Life Reflections

2007-09-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

I've moved here.

2007-03-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hihi!

I know my previous posts has made some people go
"hmmzzzz..."

lolx.
I get it.

i would go "hmmmz..." too

But over the past few days i've been learning more about myself and how i've been living my life. And now that i'm aware, things are definitely gonna change.

Its time to move on and my first step is that i'll be sort of closing this current blog of mine which has served me well for the past 4 plus years. It'll still be here I suppose cause its part of my past, and it will always be there.
However to start afresh and move on, i'll be opening up a new one.
Start things on a fresh clean slate.

Might sound kinda dumb to some of you, but it kinda symbolizes something for me.

So my friends,
should you still be interested to read my thoughts, reflections and what-nots, ask me personally for my new blog address okie. Don't be afraid to ask cause i'm inviting you to ask, unless you are too caught up in your 'image' to actually do something so simple like asking ;)
If you somehow dont know how to get in touch with me, please refer to the side bar on the left, under the heading "contactez-moi".

well okie then.
Thank you for taking your time to read this
and for all the support that some of you have given to me for the past few years
and i hope to hear from you in my new blog

Take care and god bless!

Yours sincerely
Azi

2007-03-04T18:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i can't help but wonder what goes thru this head of mine.
Been reading thru my archives and i'm very amused at posts that i cant even recognize myself.
Things you blog about when you were young. The things one posts out of a whim or anger.
lolx.

I think its time i start not thinking about people who take me for granted and start living and depending on myself. Funny how i almost forgot how it is to depend on no one but yourself. Stop thinking about relationships that 8o% of the time hurts me when i think of them and start relying more on myself. I find myself having the urge to go back to the orphanage. At least when i was there, no matter how life felt sucky in certain moments i had friends. Friends that i now miss.

I made the mistake of putting my heart and soul in every relationship that i'm in only to find myself only needed when someone needs a favour or find themselves with no one else to turn to since i'm only secondary in that person's mind. What more if that person's attached. They only come running to find you when they find themselves single or having trouble with their partner. I need to stop giving excuses for people who disappoint me when i needed them the most. I have given all i can give and i'm not sure if i have anything left.

I should stop putting myself in situations when i will end up hurting myself.

I am my own woman and to hell with people who take me for granted.

Heck even mum is giving me the cold shoulder and not talking to me. Ah well.
I am that bad a person huh.

Judge me all you want for all i care. Heck i dont even care anymore.

I'm considering taking a hiatus from this blog of mine, from my current life, from people who unknowingly but continuously gives me heartache.
If you don't hear from me in the next few days/weeks well.. i know you won't miss me, but heck a person gotta hang to a slim chance that someone actually might remember me. ahaha. rite..

Now if only i could migrate, move out to another country and start life a fresh, with a brand new slate, now wouldnt that be grand.
No more worrying about money, no more crying over missing my dad whenever i watch a touching father/daughter moment on TV or real life, no more feeling stuck in crossroads being unsure of my next step, actually having a clear view of my goals and having some luck that i seem to have lack off towards achieving my dreams.
Ho hum.

Honestly i'm in such a bad shape, in such a messy mess, that i cant help but laugh. Laugh at how fate has dealt its blows on me. Laugh at how pathetic i sound. Laugh and hide how much it all hurts inside. Laugh at how god seems to hate me as much as he does.

I think i'm having an early life crisis.

ok bye folks.

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own

All 'cause you won't listen

2007-03-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

One thing i hate becoming an adult is when alot of legal stuff comes to play. Take the personal income tax thingy for example. Somehow my mum stupidly trusted some makcik with her particulars in order for that idiot makcik to setup some stupid company which has now gone out of business. Since mum is registered as one of the 'business owner', IRAS has been sending her letters to submit income tax statement. Funny thing is my mum is unemployed and has no income coming in except for the freelance stuff she does. So now since IRAS is asking to do this thing online she expects me to help her, considering i was a law student and all. The thing is.. I have no friggin idea how to do it and it now being past midnight i dont understand where some of the entries comes from and neither does she. Then when i told her i'm not really clear what is suppose to be done she gives me this dissapointed look with this dissapointed tone in her voice as if i didn't want to help her.... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
why does she love to make me feel guilty and make me feel ten times more like the worse daughter of the millennium????
Its not that i dont want to help her, its just that i've never done it before and if i screw it up and IRAS comes knocking on the door and come looking for her for nothing than how??? Just because i used to be a law student does not mean i know every single aspect of it.... yet...

bleah.

so how was your weekend folks?
spent mine in solitary confinement of sorts in my so called bedroom bored out of my mind, i realise that whenever i'm free everyone else seems to be busy doing something else and i'm left with my boring lonesome self trying to find something to do to kill time, (i.e - watch back-to-back episodes of Heroes, Ugly Betty, Supernatural Season 2 & Veronica Mars Season3...)
Or maybe its all a conspiracy and everyone is trying to avoid me like the plague. hmm...

Fall Out Boy's concert was today, which i missed, considering i had no one to go with..
daym i'm restless... I need to do something interesting, get out of the house and do something fun or whatever, i've been stuck at home for the past few days considering that i've been on MC the past 2 days.

I need to come up with a list of interesting things to do alone when everyone is busy and you have no one but yourself. Hmm yup i think i shall do just that. Afterall who else can you depend on but yourself.

One thing i hate about taking the public bus sometimes is when you are expecting a peaceful journey and some mats & minahs gets onboard and start blasting their mat music at the back of the bus. Its even more irritating when this trend is spreading to the minah tudungs as well!!! argh!! and they play malay 'jiwang' songs to boot! The horror! *dies*

on a totally random note, i'm itching to bake something on this new oven mum just bought...
Hmm maybe i'll bake some muffins... all i need now is to actually go buy the ingredients.. =P

2007-02-28T23:30:00.000+08:00

Did you hear about what is currently in the works??

---> CLICK ME <---

I'm ecstatic!
*rubs hands together in glee* =P

2007-02-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not i'm currently craving for some Meiji's Black Chocolate. tsk.

Anyways...
Had a brilliant Saturday yesterday. Celebrated Mel's birthday together with Dee. I think its been ages since the three of us met up. And of all days, none of us had a camera with us! Dee's was busted and i simply dont own one anymore and well Mel somehow didnt get the message that he was suppose to bring his. Lolx.
Details on what we did could be found on Dee's blog. =)

Met up with the clique later at the airport. Not everyone was there tho, been quite awhile since the whole clique met up too. The night unfortunately ended quite young, well for me perhaps. By eleven thirty everyone was headed home since our cinderella had to be home by midnight, and alas what i could do but go home as well.

hurhur i know my entries should be more detailed instead of summaries i keep giving, but i'm too lazy to type it out and i'm more of the 'telling stories thru photos' kind of gal. I would love to have posted photos but i no longer have a camera. ho hum...

sigh.

I need a new blog skin.

did i ever mention that i need a new camera? yea...

Believe it or not, my life is starting to bore me. I think even Ugly Betty has a more exciting life than mine. Which is why she is a popular TV series. hurhur.
I feel like i'm in limbo. My job contract is gonna end soon with no news on whether the director will extend my contract, which is why i'm usually bored at work mostly after lunchtime cause i'm not given much to do, i have yet to hear anything from the arts school (what in the world is taking them so long??) and i cant wait for school to start so at least i will no longer feel like i'm in limbo and actually working towards something.

Can you believe it? February is ending! Amen!
That means pay is coming, that means bills to pay and the IT fair is around the corner. And before you know it i'll be broke again and as Mel would put it, eating grass for the rest of the month.

okie i think i need to go to sleep already,.
bonne nuit =)

2007-02-21T01:09:00.000+08:00

Getting angry at someone or finding yourself disappointed over something over and over again simply drains one's energy and it simply gets tiring doesn't it? So why get angry in the first place rite? It simply gets to a point where you just can't be bothered anymore.

Frankly speaking I'm tired. Tired of feeling disappointment and anger over something that i care about so much for but apparently I'm just insignificant enough not to matter.

So i shall stop. Stop caring. Stop about giving a damn. Stop making the effort.
But by doing that i wouldn't be me would I?

I guess for now, QueSeraSera and whathaveyous.
I'll simply go with the flow and not care too much to actually let myself be disappointed. Not care too much so that i won't end up draining myself with anger

LoL.. funnily enough as i reread this entry, who am i kidding, i'll just end up in the same cycle over and over again. I care too much for my own good.... *shrugs*

Happy Ash Wednesday

2007-02-19T14:22:00.000+08:00

Randomness on Lunar New Year
Gong Xi Fa Cai, wan shi ru yi! ;)

1- I know one should be ecstatic when this lunar new year = a very long holiday period and considering i only need to be back in the office only on Thursday. However the thing is, i am bored out of my mind. argh.

2- I am currently having withdrawal symptoms. I think its been ages since i last took time out just to take photographs that i want and i need to get my hands on a camera!! sigh.. i need my own camera...

3- I am p.i.s.s.e.d.... i hate it when my green tea keeps disappearing Everytime i put a bottle in the fridge, or when my chocolates goes missing. I hate it when i cant find my things where i put it. I hate it when certain things goes missing in my room. At times like these, it makes me want to move out. But Singapore is a sucky place when you want to live independently when you are not rich and not an expat. blearghhhhhh..

4- I'm thinking of making a list. Things to do before i die. Maybe then i'll have some motivation to do certain things. Doesnt it give one a certain satisfaction everytime you strike off an item from your list? lolx

5- Spent time with the kids at the orphanage on Sunday. I didnt know how much i totally missed them until i was there. Caught up with stuff that has been happening in their lives and mine. Man how much they have grown, and how much things have changed since the last time i was a resident there myself. And i did promise to bring them out during their next home leave, it'll be fun i'm quite certain of it =)

6- I realise that nobody in the house tells me anything. Maybe because i havent been part of the family for so long that i've been quite redundant as the eldest sister. *shrugs*
sigh i dont know anymore. I'm not appreciated at work, neither am i appreciated at home. Nothing i do matters, nor changes the world does it? Can i run away now? i swear no one will take notice. I need to be somewhere i belong, somewhere where i can put all my hardwork and dedication in and not be unappreciated. (i know this sounds damn emo but i cannot help it.. wahaha... i know i know i'm psycho)

7- I hate it when money has become a daily issue. I hate it when i keep having to worry if i have enough money for daily transport or lunch. I hate it that we're poor. I hate it when people who are rich and well to do keeps throwing money like its nothing.

8- I know this entry starts a lot with I, I, I... But i cant help it. I need to vent. Unlike others, my phone does not ring daily and i dont have anyone to hang on the phone with all day. So i type, i vent, i talk to myself with the help of the computer ahaha. Dont even start on MSN, no one talks to me there either. hmpf. I must be one very boring person ey? well someone has got to be the boring one rite? Lolx

9- So as some of you know i've handed in my application to Arts School to pursue my studies in Arts Management and i've gone for the interview and now currently waiting for an answer.

During the said interview, the lady who interviewed me asked this particular question, "if the world was perfect, which area in the industry would you like to work in?" And i told her music, because of my love for it. And she was about to say something, and since i expected what she was about to say told her that i do understand that Singapore has a small industry for it and i told her i understood, but wasn't the question, "if the world was perfect?" LoL

Andd i suppose i did something right, cause i called the admin office earlier last week, and i was told that i got IN!
I'm ecstatic! But i'm still waiting for the official letter tho.
One step closer`to achieving my dreams!
Tho the downside of this is the monetary issue. Financing my education. I'm sure i'll find a way to work it out =)

10- They say time heals all wounds, but i'm still waiting....

2007-02-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

Bonsoir mon ami!

joyeuse saint Valentin!

Well its that time of the year again, an over-commercialized day i should say, where chocs, candies and flowers are more expensive than usual & retailers having the last laugh on all the profits they are earning for the day.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, i think... well aside from waking up late and forgetting to bring my card holder which contains my EZlink card, ATM card & the one note of cash that i have to my name, i suppose the day was pretty much alright.
Thank god for loose change i have in my bag's 'secret' compartments. lolx!

Then there's the good deed of the day. Well in a way i suppose, which i think shall remain silent *grinz* (and someone owes me a pint of B&Js Choc Chip Cookie Dough IceCream *coughs*)
Annd i found out about a relatively good news, which i wont mention yet until i see it for myself in black & white.

This entry aint helpful at all isit? *grinz*

Have you ever felt that your life seems to be going nowhere? Sigh this question sounds familiar doesnt it? Now how many times have i actually asked myself that particular question? I think i've lost count. But seriously i can't wait to be actually be able to move out, experience living in another country, learning new cultures, experience new things, see the world! Lolx.
yesyes i know my head is in the clouds. i get it.
One can only dream, never give up and work hard towards it.

ah well my bro needs to use his computer now.
till then mon ami
take care & god bless!

2007-01-27T16:15:00.000+08:00

A cool balmy Saturday and i chose to stay at home. Nah not just because i dont have any plans for today, also because i need to get some things done at home, like laundry for starters heee.. and there's also the lack of moolahs to spare and catching up on some much needed sleep.

So dee i was reading thru the 'conversation' we had on my 'comments board' in the previous post. And i kinda realise something, the part of our conversation that revolved around relationships well the lack of being in one on my part was to me a bit redundant. Redundant because its the same excuse i keep giving over and over again.
And i realise that at this stage of my life, perhaps i'm not yet ready to be in one.

I refer to the conversation we had over your chocolate crunch and my cookie summit ice cream two nights ago. (is this starting to sound like a legal letter? lolx)
I spoke on how there's still so much things in life that i want to achieve and have yet to get there. I want to be standing on solid ground and be at peace with everything that is around me. I want to be successful in the path which i will take, i want to be good at what i do.
And perhaps when i get to where i'm suppose to be, then perhaps fate will make its move.

It seems somewhat surreal that i'm almost reaching my mid-twenties. And i cant help feeling that i'm running out of time somehow and trying to catch up. I guess it feels a tad bit pressurizing when you see people of the same age as you achieving so much and having a career of their own right when here i am wanting to pursue my studies in a field totally unrelated to what i've been studying for the past three years and embarking on something that i have been wanting to do ever since i was in my pre-teen years.

However come to think of it why should i be bothered on other people's lives? We each have to take different paths in life, and tho mine had loads of obstacles and bumps along the way, these events made me a much more stronger person today. Its only when we go thru hardship that we learn how strong we can be and with each challange, there is always a blessing behind it, even if we can only see the value of it during the calm after the storm.

They say that the person you are meant to be with is usually someone you have crossed path with in some point of your life without even realising it.
And maybe, just maybe the person i'm meant to be with is someone i have actually crossed paths with before or then again maybe we have yet to meet at all.

Whatever it is, right now i'm perfectly fine focusing on getting ahead in my life and achieving my dreams, rather than mull about something that is simply not the right time yet.

Anyhoo..
Those i have yet to update on my interview on Tuesday.
I would have to say it went well. Not exactly sure who was the lady that interviewed me but from what i gather i left a pretty positive impression on her. or so i hope. hehe.. Well she did say that i should continue doing my photography after she went thru my portfolio.
So hopefully, i'll get accepted into the school *fingers crossed*

Speaking of which, for the past few months of being 'camera-less' i feel like i'm missing a part of myself. Sigh..
I've been relying on my friend's and sis's camera for my photography fix. lolx.
Been telling myself to save up to get myself my own camera but with having to live paycheck to paycheck.. sigh...
seriously one day, i'm so making sure this is all going to change.

2007-01-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

perhaps the reason why i've been restless lately is because of you.
everytime i hear your voice my heart aches
and everytime i see your face i'm unable to turn away.
But i learned that sometimes to love is to let go
possession does not guarantee happiness
to continue this will just end up being a joke
To not have you is better than to think i ever could...

2007-01-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

Do you have moments when you feel like blogging, and when you actually do jot down your thoughts randomly as an outlet and read that particular entry in another state of mind the next day for example, you'll be thinking "why in the world did i post such thoughts up for the world to see?" lolx.

Yes i have those moments, and i had just re-read my previous entry and thinking the exact same thing. What was i thinking? I need to stop blogging about certain topics which i think has grown old, and time to start afresh with new topics and stop being lazy when i have actually something with substance to blog about. =P
Call it moments of weakness i suppose. It would be fairly easy for one to bring down the post one had published but what's the point? Tho i could start writing more cheerful, mind-numbing, deep deep stuff, but then it would be all fake wouldnt it? Seriously who is happy and cheeful 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Now what brings my onslaught of postings these past few days after a relatively long silence? I'm not really sure myself.
All i can say is that i'm preety much restless. Mix that together with a dash of insomnia, a pinch of flu and a sprinkle of an oncoming fever which will only come when i least expect it, and you'll get a combi of what i'm feeling at the current moment. And somehow blogging provides an outlet for me to keep my mind busy. And with my mind busy, i wont have time to fall sick. And when i dont fall sick i can get more work done.
Dont worry tho, before you know it i'll be on a long haitus and this blog will become quiet again. LoL.

God Bless! =)

2007-01-22T06:43:00.000+08:00

I woke up an hour earlier than i intended to this morning with a horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach. A feeling like that there's something about to happen and i'm not sure if its good or bad. Or maybe i'm just plain hungry. *shrugs*

Oh well then, i should get ready for work now or else waking up this early will all be in vain.
*winkz*

2007-01-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

Somehow i just felt like blogging tho i'm not sure why since i have no real agenda in mind.
Its about 1.15 a.m. in the morning and it feels like i've so much on my mind.
I feel sick but i cant afford to be sick. I have a lot of things to get done but somehow my strength seems to be failing me. Which i suppose has got something to do with me having a lesser appetite then usual. Every part of my body hurts and particularly the toenail on my right foot is giving me problems eversince the lady in highheels who 'accidentally' without apologizing stepped on my toe. sigh.

I missed aida's birthday celebration at her chalet yesterday cause i just couldnt get myself out of bed. I'm terribly sorry Aida and i'm sorry if i had let you down for not turning up. But i promise we'll meet up soon! *hugs*

There are certain choices in my life that i've taken that i know have been questioned by people around me. I know the advices and opinions that i've received have their own merits, but sometimes i need to make a decision to what i think is best for me and when it comes to pursuing something i know i can succeed in, then why not? So i have taken a leap of faith and in two days i'll be having that interview to determine if i'm at all suitable. Suitable if i'm good enough to be a student in that very discipline that i've chosen to undertake.

Am i nervous? Well who wouldnt be? This will be something that in away i have no real experience in. But with learning comes experience right? But that's the whole purpose in wanting to pursue your studies isnt it? To gain knowledge.
Oh god, even if i'm not showing it, i'm a nervous wreck. What if i screw up the interview. What if i dont get in? What am i going to do then?
I should stay positive right?

I've been thinking alot about my future lately. What it actually holds for me. Will i be a better person than i am today? Will i be contented with everything around me or will i be working myself to the bone trying to stay afloat? Will i be successful? Will i ever get to live my dreams? Will i have my own family and finally settle down? Questions, questions & more questions. Questions that i have no definite answers to and which the same answers to the questions lies in the hands of god and fate.

I suppose the only reason i have so many questions might be because i'm afraid that i may not have enough time. Not enough time to see some of these question get answered. I'm not trying to be a pessimist but sometimes you gotta be realistic. Having what dad had, and him dying young, it makes you wonder if you will have the same fate. When i think of dad, i dont think i'm half as good as the person he was. Ten years after his death, his friends and colleagues still remember him, they still come by the house once in awhile to see how things are doing with us. I've heard stories of how a great guy he was, and i can never really say i knew him that well since i lost him too early in my life.

Now why in the world did i started talking about dad? It just gets me upset. bleah.
Rite i should just steer away from this topic.

Lately i'm always asked this question by people whom i just met, why does a girl like me not have a boyfriend? lolx.
Now how am i suppose to answer that question? Perhaps there's something wrong with me? But perhaps its not my time yet and the right one has not come along yet. With me always being honest with my life, past and thoughts, who wouldnt be scared to be involved with me? What do i have to offer but baggage? Sure i can argue that i have a lot to offer, but there is a certain type of girl that i believe that guys actually look for and i dont fit into any of those moulds. And maybe in someways i have a steel fence that is built around me. But the question does get old, as old as people asking about my height, but what can i do but simply smile and shrug off that question and give some silly excuses?

Tho you gotta admit that there will be times like now for example when loneliness sometimes can get to you. When you just want a hug for that warmth and security you'll feel even tho it might only be for awhile.

Ah well, brand new work day in a few hours and i can forsee the pile of emails waiting to be answered and partner registrations to sort out and approve. I forsee this week to be a very very busy week. 8 days till zero hour, 5 days till most of my colleagues fly off to Hong Kong and leave me here in the office. (It still wierds me out when partners i'm directly liasing with keeps saying "see you soon!" in their emails when i know i wont be able to see them at the event.) Late nights at the office? You can bet on it.
So till my next post, bonne nuit my darlings. God bless.

take me away...

2007-01-20T06:12:00.000+08:00

As promised, concert update!

IL DIVO LIVE @ the Singapore Indoor Stadium

I was definitely excited. Who wouldnt be when you are going to see one of your favourite groups perform LIVE in Singapore?
Even tho i had bought a single ticket and was going on my own, knowing that most of the concert goers would either be in pairs or group, didnt deter me one bit. Awkwardness when people look at you standing alone, sure, but to regret later for not going just because of feeling awkward going to the concert alone, i'll take my chances thank you very much.
Sometimes you just got to do something for yourself once in awhile =)

Was the concert worth the ticket price i had burnt a hole in my pocket for?
I would say it was worth every single penny.
No regrets. Just pure pleasure and amazement.
It was like falling in love with their songs and voices all over again.

I was seated two stalls away from where i had been during the BSB concert last year. Yes it might be a bit further away but it was still a pretty good view i suppose.
Oh and did i mention that there were two seats on my left that were empty, and the couple who were seated to my right moved sometime during the concert to join their friends at the other aisle, so basically it was preety obvious i was on my own with 5 seats to myself. lolx.

The concert started off with the Singapore Symphony Orchestra and the band playing an instrumental medley of IL Divo's songs. After the medley ended the guys came out and proceeded to sing their first single 'Regresa A Mi' followed by one of my favourites, 'Isabel'.

The guys mostly sang songs from their new album Siempre.
Their voices were in top form and there were funny moments when Sebastien forgot the first few lines for 'Musica' and tried to get Urs to help him out with his lines and then asked the band to restart the song and apologizing to the supporting audience who cheered him on and even more so when he got his lines right on the second try. The next song "Nights in White Satin", Seb again forgot his lines and repeated the first line twice when Carlos came to his rescue. They didnt restart the song again but Seb jokingly said that Carlos made him nervous which had the audience laughing.

A few songs later, before you know it the lads were saying their goodbyes.
After they left the stage the crowd continued to clap even louder hoping to get an encore performance, and the audience were not dissapointed.
The lads sang two songs for their encore. First was "Without You" and the second song was "Someday". As they were singing their last song, the lads decided to sit on the edge of the stage, spread out and the front audience decided that was the opportunity to take even more close up shots of them and get their autographs as well, which the lads willingly obliged.
Which in my opinion was totally awesome, cause which performers would actually obliged to signing autographs while sitting on stage singing?

After the concert ended, i took my time leaving as i knew from past experiences how jam-packed the bus stop and roads was going to be. Called up my sis to update her on the concert and saw that there was a massive traffic jam. So i decided to sit for awhile and wait for the crowd to disperse, which was when i noticed a small group of people standing near the loading bay waiting. Waiting for what i was not exactly sure but intuition and common sense told me that they were waiting for the lads to come out.

Well since i was in no hurry to get home and my gut instinct told me to wait and find out, so i did. True enough the lads did come out (by this time the venue was already quite empty).
What luck! I'm going to meet the lads face to face!
The ones that came out first was Carlos, David and Urs. I took quick snap shots and tried to maneuver my way around the bodyguards who were trying to 'protect' the lads. The lads however did oblige the small group of fans with their autographs and some pics. I was fortunate enough when David agreed to take a photo with me! Which totally made my day! =)

Before you know it the guys had to leave.
So where was Sebastian?
Seconds after the first van left, Sebastian came out. Signed a few autographs here and there and was whisked away to a second minivan that was waiting for him.

Photos to share, some taken by me and some courtesy from the divas on the IL DIVO official message board. Enjoy!

2007-01-18T01:55:00.000+08:00

The past week has been an extremely busy week at work. Deadlines, partners registrations, liasing with sponsors and whathaveyous. I dont want to complain but sometimes i feel like i'm always getting the short end of the stick. Currently being me = the go-to person for things you dont want to do. Certain times of the day it feels like i'm up to my ears with stuff to do, reminders to remind myself, chasing people for things that i should not be chasing for.. tsk.. but its ok, i keep telling myself this is a learning process and i'm getting a whole lot of experience for this short stint of mine in this huge-ass company.

Its almost 2 a.m in the morning now and technically i should be sleeping considering i have a full day of work ahead of me in a few hours. Only reason i'm awake at this ungodly hour is because something happened in the evening and well lets just say its was a family matter and nothing to do with the fact that it was dad's 1oth year death anniversary today (err technically yesterday, 17 Feb).

Geez has it been that long? A decade. A decade of dad being gone. Sometimes it does make one wonder how life would have been like if he was still alive. Would i be the same person as i am today? Will my youngest sibling be in need of a father figure and desperately trying to find his place in society? Only god knows.

Anyhoo, i FINALLY got meself that IL DIVO Concert ticket for this evening's performance at the Singapore Indoor Stadium!! I know the tix is pricey and has now burnt a HUGE hole in my pocket but hopefully (fingers-crossed) it is worth it. Its not everyday that i do something that i want to do for myself. And yes i'm going for this concert on my own. =)

Will update again with my comments and photos of the concert!
For now bonne nuit my darlings!

2007-01-02T20:51:00.000+08:00

I realise that i'm not good at saving money. bleargh.
Its only the start of the month and i'm almost broke. Andddd i have yet to buy meself that Il Divo Concert Tix!!! Argghh...
Darn i just had to go to that Metro Sale at the S'pore Expo didnt I?
Well the only plus side about the whole trip was seeing this cute chinese guy who was selling this air purifier thingy that i eventually bought from him. Lolx.

Back to work tomorrow, i can just imagine my work email inbox being flooded by mails from partners and colleagues. But i dont really mind... speaking of which... i'm not yet done with editing my eDM design for the cocktail party! argh.

Okie i should go to my bro's PC now since his PC is the only PC that has photoshop.

ta-ra!

2007-01-01T12:59:00.000+08:00

To start off...

HAPPY NEW YEAR DARLINGS!!!!!!!!

So how was your new year's celebrations? Well mine, (seeing that i have no plans & no one to go out with) was spent at home with mum & my younger siblings watching tv and watching the neighbours at the opposite block jumping around when the countdown began much to our amusement.

So its already a brand new year. What do i wish for in this spanking brand new year? I'm not really sure yet. I've been bloghopping, reading post after post of other blogger's reflections of the past year and resolutions and wishes for the brand new year, and honestly i have not done either of the above.

Sure i could list down all the things things that happened in the eventful year of 2006, from Poly graduation to Prom Night, From Backstreet Boys Concert to Simone Webb's showcase at Zouk, From the Genting trip to the late nights at the airport with the clique, From Birthday celebrations to the trials and tribulations of friendship. And all in all would i change anything in the year 2006?

Perhaps one or two things. But then again not really. Cause everything that happens i believe happens for a reason and the experiences and lessons that i've learnt thru these events makes me grow as a person.

Some main things i'm looking forward to will be the Il Divo concert happening this month (which i have yet to buy the tix for) and furthering my studies (which i have sent in my application but yet to submit my documents in pdf format). Then there's some projects that i've been meaning to start working on but have been frequently procrastinating. Well as for everything else, i suppose i'll just go with the flow with hopes that this year will be a bigger and better year with new & awesome experiences. And maybe just maybe this year will the year i'll find love. Who knows? *grinz*

My 2006 in summary..

2006-12-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

3 days to a brand New Year, a time for reflections, acceptance and resolutions. To tell you the truth i have yet to do any of that, considering my mind has been focused on work, which is not really a bad thing since i actually do really like my job. And since i officially start my holiday leave tomorrow, i suppose i have plenty of time to reflect and make resolutions.

Its been pouring buckets almost everyday, i swear there were moments when i was looking outside my office window and saw what to be like snow... Well it could either be, One - it was my imagination gone wild, 2 - my eyes are tired from looking at the computer screen all day or 3- the offices upstairs are shreding documents and are disposing any evidence out of the window. lolx.

Have you ever noticed that during christmas-new year's week, there will be some sort of natural disaster/ freak of nature happenings?
Take for example the extremely rainy week we are having. (Not that i'm complaing since i quite like the coolness in the air, it makes one feel like we're in another country.) Somehow to me its like nature is trying to wash away all the bad things in 2006, may it be memories, events, whatnots, and preparing for a fresh start to 2007.

Well then there's also the recent earthquake in Taiwan, and the Tsunami in 2004.

My theory is that the world is getting over populated and its mother nature's or perhaps god's way to shift the world back into balance. What do you think?

Anyways had an awesome time during the weekend with the group. We celebrated Naz's 20th Birthday at Vivocity. Been quite some time since the whole group met up.
I'll upload photos soon, but you can always view em' at naz's blog.
Next gathering, Vik's birthday!! Totally looking forward to it =)

In other news,

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I lost my house keysssssss!!!! argh i cant believe it! Where did it fall?
I wonder how is it that of all the things in my jacket pockets, the keys are the only thing that is missing?!? argh. I'm more upset about my keychain.. Its the one with my name on it given to me by my aunt. sigh.....

Eversince i started working, coffee has been like an elixir of life. Even tho i'm not such a big fan of the bitter taste of coffee, i need the pick me up it gives me, I have to have coffee before i really get my hands on work, or else i'll either be cold, sleepy or both. Thank god for the coffee machine in the office. Cappuccino/Machiatto/Latte anyone? hehe.. And there's always the good ol' fashion nescafe and milo =)

The dopod c800 is to die for!
Its definitely gonna be in my top 5 wishlist

Death Note marathon with my 4th Bro and 2nd Sis during the eve of New Years Eve and Morning of New Year's Eve. Looking forward to it. Hopefully i'm not too tired after working at UWW on that day and find myself falling asleep half way thru the movie. *grinz*

Lately during whatever free time i have i find myself tuning into animax on cable. I guess it kinda started eversince my 4th bro introduced various anime shows to me. The only thing that irks me about animax is that since i'm used to watching anime via fansubs and its usually in Japanese, i prefer watching anime in its original form rather than watching it in its english voiced over version.

Now can somebody tell me.. where did my blog pic went to??? For the clueless, I'm refering to the image that is suppose to be on the top of my blog. What did blogger do to it???? Man i'm so not liking this new blogger at the moment.. hmm or maybe its due to the internet disruption thingy... or maybe its time for a new layout...
*edit*0053hrs
wahahaha lo and behold , moments after i post this entry the image reappered! lolx!

2006-12-10T11:36:00.000+08:00

So a week has passed since i started my new job. Its a total far cry from working in a law firm. For one thing i'm doing nothing that has got to with law since i'm in the marketing department, and the culture is alot more relaxed. The cons about working in one of the biggest IT company in the world is that you are not able to access blogger in the office nor MSN messenger which got me totally bummed out since i have yet to be given any heavy duty work to do and i spent most of my afternoons dragging my tasks so that i'll look busy instead of having nothing to do.

My colleagues are quite alright tho i still have yet to find someone i can totally click with. I had a very awkward lunch a few days back and i reckon that if i were a statue at a museum i would have been more useful. Imagine eating lunch in a group and being totally ignored even when you're sitting in the middle of the table. Talk about being totally ignored. But then i could have joined in the mundane convo about plans on spending chrismas etcetc but then if you have nothing good to say why bother rite? So i just sat there listening to the convesation even when the caucasian guy asked around table about their plans and obviously skipped me. Just to add the other chinese girls in the group were just as new like me. *shrugs* I guess its kinda like when i was working in the law firm, being the only minortiy the majority would talk in their own language and i'll be sitting there listening since i do understand a bit of mandarin and look interested in a totally different thing.
ah well.. hopefully the following weeks ahead would be better.

Then there's also these other guy in the office who i think has a six sense or someting (like when i noticed he had cut his hair (yes i notice such things) the other day and i was mentioning it to a colleague of mine when we were waiting for the others to go for lunch and he suddenly turned his gaze to our direction while in a middle of a conversation with another colleague! Like he knew we were talking about him!) and sometimes the way he looks at a person (mainly me) is damn unnerving. Maybe its just my imagination or something else. I hope he quits it soon cause it gets daym uncomfortable.

Well like i mentioned before, i dont have much work to do as yet. But with the event that i'm helping out is in two months i expect quite a lot of work to be coming in soon. But one question still remains, am i helping them out on the actual day considering the event is in HK? My supervisor has not said anything to me so i'm not really sure if i should ask her. However if all of em' went to HK what in the world am i going to do in the office???

Since i have yet to given more work to do i have been completing my tasks fast and at times I purposely take my time to pack up my stuff to go home because I know I have nothing to look forward to at home and I do feel kind of guilty that my other colleagues are still hard at work preparing for the upcoming major event and i have yet to be given any major tasks to do. The only thing that currently motivates me to go home early is to catch the repeat telecast of Cardcaptor Sakura on Animax.

Enough about work. In other news Genting won the Sentosa IR bid! Yayness! Very much expected tho. All i'm looking forward to is the Universal Studios, and i do hope it'll be just as good as the one in Orlando. Then with good news comes bad news for UWW, since they are building a brand new huge ass oceanarium that will kick UWW's ass. lolx.. I wonder what's gonna happen for UWW.

Two friends of mine from my ITE days recently got engaged to each other. Congrats guys and all the best! During the 'engagement reception' (yes somehow in malay culture there's such a thing which i dont see the point of since it is a waste of money and an engagement aint a permanent thing, and with announcing to the world that you're getting engaged then lets say what if the couple splits up? tsk. If you want to get married, announce to the world when you actually do and not when you get engaged and decide to get married 2 years later.. *shrugs well thats me..) oh yea where was i? oh yes, during the reception, i asked aida & wan what makes a couple who has been together for a long time (e.g 5 years) to finallly make the decision to spend the rest of their life together? yes i have this problem of grasping the concept of spending the rest of ones life together with another person. And you know what was wan's answer? He told me that if couples have those kind of stuff that they design together (he gave the example of the photo collage that our engaged friend had above her bed) that means they are serious.... *falls of chair* '_' " err rightt... now tell me what kind of answer is that? ish...

2006-12-02T13:24:00.000+08:00

The tagboard has been giving me problems which is why i decided to take it down. However there's still the comment links at the end of every post, so i suppose that will work just fine =)

Went to visit my brother in the hospital yesterday evening. Glad to see he's doing better even if it is with the help of an oxygen mask. Doctors will be deciding today on what further steps to take.

Anyways, on a brighter note....
I got the job! Even if its a contract position, the timing suits well with my plans if i decide to pursue my studies. I'll be starting this coming Monday. So this month of December it looks like i'll be juggling two jobs. Weekdays at the new job and weekends at UWW.

And since i'll be working everyday, I decided to do a bit of re-organisation in my room and with the opening of the new IKEA which is just a few block away from home makes it all the more convenient. But now i'm more worried about time since i'm working tomorrow but i'm hopeful that i can get my mess resolved before i go to bed on Sunday evening / Monday morning. hehz

2006-12-01T11:33:00.000+08:00

My fourth bro was sent by ambulance to the hospital early this morning as he was unable to breathe. Mum's with him and I'm not sure of the details yet... Peeps help me pray for him..

thanks =)

2006-11-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

I must admit that i dont listen much to malay songs
but i'm falling in love with this song...

or maybe perhaps its taufik singing it ;)

2006-11-27T18:51:00.000+08:00

Celebrating one's birthday on the actual day is very passe don't you think? Spent mine slacking infront of my brother's TV flipping channels on cable. And the thing that i mentioned in my previous post that my bro was organising for me? It was held the day after, a bbq in conjuction of my birthday. I had an awesome time on Friday. For those who managed to come down and celebrate my birthday with me, a BIG THANK YOU =)

Photos will be uploaded as soon as i get my hands on my sis's camera.

hmm i just received a phone call from the HR dept of this company i applied a job to and they wanted a reference from either the place i interned at or the previous law firm i worked at. The idiotic former boss of mine who refused to quickly give me a letter of reference claiming that he has a lot of work to do and asking me to type it myself while he dictates it is seriously getting on my nerves. Anyways, because i cant give the letter of reference to the HR guy by the stipulated time, he called me to give him a phone number he could call to verify how a good worker i am. Now if i gave him the phone number of where i interned at, i'm sure the person wont remember me that much since it was a year ago and it is a bigg firm. And i was forced to give my former boss's number.. blearghh... I swear if that bigot screw my chances of landing this job i'm going to curse him till the end of his days.... &*(%$$&%#(&

phew now that's off my chest...

sigh.. i really really need this job, for my sake and my family's sake. Even if its a contractural job before i actually decide to further my studies.

2006-11-23T03:39:00.000+08:00

Well here it goes..
Happy Birthday me!

I think I'm one of the very few wierdos that exist in the world who does her own birthday shoutouts and proceed to sing a birthday song in my head. yay me!

Anyways thanks dee for the early birthday wish at sometime past midnight and of course to the job search website which somehow is programmed to remember my birthday.

I am having a bad case of sore throat. I'm unable to swallow properly and my tounge hurts too. And i think my dentist who had offered her services when i was still in the orphanage is a load of crap. She doesnt do what a normal dentist would do when you go and visit a dentist. She doesnt check my teeth, her basic routine is to ask whats the problem, give some lame excuse on why its hurting, give some painkillers and then tell you to make another appointment if i decide to extract my tooth. And all this takes 5 minutes on the dentist chair, which does not include the 20 minutes wait just to see her and the 20 minutes to get to her office. I'm bloody sure she's prejudiced. Now why did i start talking about my dentist?
hmm.. oh yea because my bloody tooth is stil hurting!!! bleah.

Life, sometimes you know where you're going and usually unexpected things will pop up, which is usually called obstacles. Then you'll lose sight at the path that was in front of you or the path comes to an end and you have to start a new one. Sometimes you find yourself on that path you lost sight off and sometimes you're not sure which way to go, so many directions to choose from, so many outcomes and there will come that time when you have to choose and you'll have fear in your heart because you are afraid that you might end up chooseing the wrong one and disappoint yourself.

I'm afraid.

2006-11-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you tell yourself you gotta have faith in people
no matter how many times they dissapoint you and its been proven that it will happen to you no matter what stage your life is right now. Time and time again i've always been proven wrong. There will always come a day when you'll be dissapointed. There will always come a day when you see yourself standing alone with no one at your side that has your back.

There are times when i ask myself, why do you even bother?

Perhaps i just want to have a positive outlook in life. That i actually mean something to at least someone, even thou sometimes i know i'm lying to myself.

Sometimes i hate myself for having this intuition I have on certain things. Being able to read into someone's voice on the phone, text words, actions/ reactions that i get.

I've been having a Veronica Mars marathon and sometimes i wish i had her life. Compared to mine, hers looks more exciting even tho how tough life throws punches at her. I wanna be that gerl who can throw that punch back. To not care what people think and knowing how bad life get, sometimes things will turn out ok. But then, it is however a television show.

The next stage of my two decades of living, the 2-2 is coming in two days. Somehow i dont have a good feeling about it and lets just say right about now i'm not looking forward to it.

I can be the girl who smiles all the time without a care in the world, but sometimes having to pretend that everything is ok everytime can get a bit tiring.

2006-11-16T21:00:00.000+08:00

Josh Groban
Awake

His latest offering. Awesome awesome stuff.
I already have two favourites, February Song and Awake
Now when is he coming to Singapore i wonder =)

2006-11-14T13:18:00.000+08:00

We're already in Mid November, before you know it, December will come and the year will be closing to an end and hello 2007!

Me Birthday is coming soon too, tho i hope this year it would be a much better time for me as compared to the previous ones. The brother is organizing something for me so i'm kinda looking forward to it.

Looking back at this year, with so much experiences gained, trials and tribulations faced and the various tests on the bonds of friendship, i've come to a conclusion that year 2006 has been a good year and its still not over yet! Which is why i'm very much looking forward to the brand new year. With current family issues hovering and me very much currently standing infront of a forked road and have yet to choose a path, 2007 will definitely be a whole new experience.

I've been spending alot of time at home lately. Perhaps to make up for time lost on my seven year absence at home and there's also the obvious reason that i dont want to spend any unnecessary money cause everytime i go out i'll tend to spend, especially on you name it, food. tsk. lolx. Well my dad used to say "rumah ku syurga ku" which means my home my heaven. =)

And recently i bought an early christmas present for the family. A brand new dvd player to replace the old cheapskate one that we won previously which had broken down and was unrepairable. And also due to the fact my mum has been bugging me to look for the goong/princess hours dvd with english subtitles cause she's tired of watching it on youtube and whatdoyouknow lo and behold and i've finally found one online and waiting for it to be delievered, and upon delivery i know my mum cant wait to watch it... so therefore before i know i'll spend my money on myself, might as well contribute something to the family.. oh and plus since i'm at home so much, say hello to dvd marathons! lolx

So have you heard? The GST will be raised to 7%?
Might not be much to certain people, however 7% do sound kinda big if you actually once in awhile take a look at the receipt of your purchases and notice the GST amount that they charge you. Well the PM did say its to help the needy.. i'm not really sure how since i dont really know how they work out the country's budget and stuff so we'll have to see..

oh yea before i forget..
Birthday shoutouts to...
Shaiful and Shakinna!!
Advance Birthday shout out to...
Sashi and Herwan!!
and a very belated birthday shout out to...
Nuraini and Rahmat!!

Happy Birthday!!

Best wishes and God Bless =)

2006-11-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its those lil family moments that matters the most

Randomness

Britney Spears is divorcing K-Fed!! Like finally! Congrats Britney for coming to your senses. Thank god.
I think tis the season for break-ups and divorces. Its that time of year again!! With Britney's impending divorce, then there's Resse Witherspoon's too.. Then there's the people you know personally who are breaking up... hmmz...
Did you catch Amazing Race Asia? Omg Alan Wu talks like a speeding train. How was he selected to become the host in the first place?
I think as compared to the original AR, ARA is not as captivating to watch. But then it is the first episode, so we'll have to see.
I hate to admit this but a certain Wentworth Miller is catching my attention. He seems to be appearing in most shows i'm watching lately. It doesnt hurt that he aint that bad looking either. And no i'm not at the goo-goo-gah-gah head over heels stage. Just sitting a bit straighter in my seat.
I'm still mulling over on whether i should get myself that Il Divo concert tix. I keep telling myself "girl its Il Divo! You've been waiting for months for them to come down!"
sigh.. right.. it aint so easy to make a decision when you're not exactly rolling in big bucks.. Then theres the digi cam that i've always wanted to get for myself... blearghhhhhhh....
God if you're somehow reading this, i need a sign. A sign to where my life is going. I'm at a forked road and i'm not sure which path i should take. I'm not sure where my life is headed to. If dreams are predictions i sure hope to heaven that they do come true. I need to get out of this rut i'm in. And i'm sure you know what "rut" i'm refering to.
The Democrats have taken over US Congress after 12 years. So how will they affect change after years of critisizing the administration? With GWBush being a Republican how well will he and Democrats work together? We'll just have to see wont we. =)
I think the public transportation campaign of flagging the bus early is a frigging waste of money. Instead of improving their services they are spending money on pointless campaigns. tsk.
Things i would like to see improved in our public transportation:-

a- More leg room please! I dont pay an average of $2 per bus ride just to get leg cramps and backaches just because i have to squeeze myself in the small spaces available between seats.

b- Do they realise how friggin cold the NEL is? Especially in the morning... I understand that Singapore is a hot and humid country but to lower the aircon more then necessary is a waste of money and the fact that the train does not see the light of day does not help matters and that it tends to get a lil depressing if you ride it from Puggol to HarbourFront.

c- As compared to the above, the MRT is somewhat warmer. Especially during peak hours. Then theres the variety of migrane inducing smells... phee-eeewww..

d- Higher train frequencies during peak hours on the EastWest line that goes from the West to the East. Highes bus frequencies on feeder services during actual peak hours and not a few minutes after peak hour has come and gone.

e- Real time bus schedules for the convenience of commuters.

Oh yea speaking of public transportation. Do they ever really clean the interior of the buses and trains? I mean have you really notice the dust and grime you see at some corners of the bus for example and then theres those oily surfaces you can see on windows or glass panes on these vehicles? It makes you think about things like diseases that can be passed thru surface contact... *shudders*

2006-10-30T19:58:00.000+08:00

Guess What??!??

IL DIVO is coming to Singapore in January 2007! I am soo excited!!
The only down side to this exciting news is that... the tix are so very pricey! daym.

Well seeing that my Birthday is coming soon.. *hinthint* =)

------------------------------------------------

I cant help but wonder why am i still working at that law firm?
Everytime i get there i feel drained, uninspired, bored and sickly. I'm even less motiviated when i dont have the time to go for lunch, end up not having anything to eat the whole day and the boss docking my pay when i actually fall sick.

My other job at UWW has been way better altho it has become a routine for me. Dont get me wrong, i love the work environment, as compared to the law firm days goes by so quickly, however the things you do there is more or less the same. You say the same things, you do the same things. The only thing that i usually look forward to is the interaction with various customers.

I need a job that does not bore me. A job that is different every single day, a job that allows me to interact with people, a job that i actually would love to do.
I so hope i get the job i'm currently eyeing at. *fingers crossed* Interview coming up soon! I'm soo nervous and excited all at the same time!

Recent events have made me think twice about furthering my studies. The doctors are observing my 4th bro for the next six months to see if the problem in his heart would get worse. If it does, he will have to undergo major surgery. Which means more hospital bills.
My 2nd sis would be graduating from poly soon and is also keen on the idea of furthering her studies and i guess it would be kind of difficult if the both of us are going to further our studies around the same time. I would rather have my sis further her studies and me being the eldest worry about supporting the family. We'll see how things turn out i guess. There's always hope and faith =)

2006-10-27T13:06:00.000+08:00

I've been cooped up at home for the past few days now and boredom has started to set in...
blogged hopped and decided to do this just to kill time...

L a s t
1. friend you saw:
- dee!

2. Person you Talked to on the phone:
- Tania Tay

3. Text:
- Tania Tay

t o d a y
1. Wearing Today:
- tank top & track pants

2. Better than yesterday?
- definitely

t o m o r r o w
1. Is: Saturday

2. Got any plans: work

3. Dislikes about tomorrow: hmmz... the travelling time to work

f a v o r i t e
1. Number: 7
2. favourite color(s): black white red
3. Season: hazey

c u r r e n t l y
1. Missing someone: me friends
2. Mood : bored

Q's & A's

Q: First thing you did this morning
- drink water

Q: Last thing you ate:
- cherry chocettes

Q: What's annoying you right now?:
- my back pain

Q: What's the last movie you saw?:
- Mulan

Q: Do you believe in long distance
relationship?
- i'm not sure

Q: Is there anyone you like or love but can't have
relationship with?:
- hmmz how bout nick carter? lolx

Q: What was, is the reason behind it?:
- ello he is a celebrity and lives thousands of miles away and we have a 1 in a million chance of being in the same room as each other. lolx!

Q: Are you both still friends?:
- who? oh is this related to the above question? then no, in my dreams perhaps. =P

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right
now:
- yeah my youngest brother. Wondering when he will be back home from school.

Q: Do you think that a person is thinking of you
too?
- i have no idea.. but i hope so.. lolx!

Q: Where is the last place you went?
- my aunts' place (which was 3 days ago)

Q: Do you look like your mom or dad?:
- i tink a bit of both

Q: Do you have any pets?
- Nope

Q: Do you smile often?:
- whenever i can

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
- not really

Q: Are you a friendly person?:
- yupyup

Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?:
- err mine

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?:
- black

Q: What were you doing at 12 last night?:
- watching princess hours on youtube

Q: Do you have more guy or girl friends?:
- I dont keep count

Q: When was the last time you cried?:
- does watching a sad show count?

Q: Do you get angry easily?:
- usually i'm a v.patient person unless i'm consistently provoked

Q: What was your last thought before you went
to sleep last night?:
- it feels daymn nice to stretch. lolx

Q: Take any vitamins?:
- yup!

Q: What are you about to do?:
- watch TV

Q: Do you ever check your phone waiting for..
- nah my phone is usually quiet. I rarely get frequent msgs/calls

Q: Who was the last to fill this survey?:
- wawa

Q: Do you like the person?:
- whats there not to

Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10:
- hmm as of right now -> 6

001. What shirt are you wearing? `. black tank top

002. What pair of pants? `. track pants

003. What color socks? `. currently bare footed

004. What shoes do you have on? ` ditto

005. What makeup? `. not wearing any

006. What jewelry? `. ear studs and the chain i always wear

007. What CD is in your CD player? `. i have no idea

008. What are you listening to? `. nothing

009. Who are you chatting with? `. no one

010. What other windows do you have open? `. msn & hotmail

011. What are you eating/drinking? `. nothing

012. What are you thinking about? `. when this is going to end

013. What time is it? `. 1.19 p.m.

014. What room of the house are you in? `. living room

015. What season is it? `. hazey (this is starting to sound familiar...)

016. How are you wearing your hair? `. erm down...

017. What color are your nails painted? `. not painted

018. What are the other people in your house doing? `. no one's at home

019. What should you really being doing right now? `. watching tv lolx

020. What song have you been listening to non-stop? `. shayne ward's no promises & stand by me

FAST FORWARD: FUTURE.

021. What will you do tomorrow? `. work...

022. Who do you want to see tomorrow? `. the only peeps i would see is my colleagues

023. What do you want to be when you get older? `. happy & contented

024. Do you want to get married? `. one day

025. Do you want to have kids? `. when the time is right i suppose

026. If you could, would you run for president later on? `. nope

027. Where would you like to stay? `. in a beachhouse facing the ocean

028. Describe your dream house? `. The house would be facing the ocean, high glass windows, fully equipped kitchen, roof top garden for bbqs, bathrooms would be as big as my current bedroom w/ fully equipped showers, bathtubs and sink countertops. Bedrooms overlooking the ocean, walk in closet, study room filled with books from floor to ceiling, super comfy couches in the entertainment room... lolx i can go on & on but before i get too overboard i shall stop here.. lolx

030. When are you getting your next haircut? `. next month perhaps

031. When do you plan to go shopping next? `. when my pay actually comes in

032. Would you rather die young and beautiful or live long and die old? `. doesnt really matter to me.. when your time comes, your time comes *shrugs*

033. How would you like to die? `. peacefully

034. What are you looking forward to? `. new experiences

035. What's the next holiday coming up? `. does my birthday count? ok fine.. xmas then!

036. What do you plan on wearing tomorrow? `. no idea

037. What's tomorrow's weather going to be like?: `. clear sunny day i hope

038. How old will you be in four years? `. 26

039. What time will you go to bed tonight? `. no idea

040. What day is it tomorrow? `. saturday....

2006-10-26T12:11:00.000+08:00

Honestly, i feel like crap.
My nose looks like ruldolf's, i cant stop sneezing, tearing and sniffling. I swear this is the aftermath of the haze together with talking non stop to customers without water due to fasting and non stop working. My forearm has also been very itchy lately. bleargh.

so much for the festive season.

If only my home has some air conditioning or air purifying thing that would have lessen this haze effect. But alas we cant afford it. Its just pure luck i dont have asthma or i'll be twice as screwed.

I have not much to update in this entry due to lack of any bit of social life i have. workworkworkwork. The only high points i had between the last entry till now was the 'majlis iftar' i attended at the orphanage. Loads of catching up with the gals there. And also breaking fast with dee and her colleague rohaida at Mak's place followed by a walk thru at geylang serai's bazaar with their attempts to make me buy a 'baju raya'. The outing subsequently led to dee's colleague labeling us 'intelligent bimbos'. hmmz... I was told that its suppose to be a compliment tho both words kinda contradict each other dont you think? lolx!

First day of raya celebrations went along as it usually did. Ended our day at my aunts' place a few blocks away from our house. Thank god we actually did went over to her place cause thats the only place we got to eat ketupat! And she had the 'sambal goreng pengantin' that i love and look forward to every raya! lolx! Had my own feast with me being the only one who had quite a few generous helping. We cant let all those wonderful food go to waste right? *grinz*

Yesterday i received an email stating that i had clinched myself a job interview happening in two weeks. Excited and nervous at the same time, a territory very new to me. Sure as nervous as i am my horoscope did say if i believe in myself all the power in the universe will conjure and help me to succeed! well something along those lines and somehow i believe it! lolx. Well we'll see aye =)

Aite aite i need to lie down now before the whole room starts spinning.

To all my muslim and non muslim friends Selamat Hari Raya Eid Mubarak!

To dee - i know i've wished you but still...

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!!!!!
wahwahwah reach the 20 mark already! ahahaha =P

To all class of 2006 law peeps reading this -- jalan raya on the 11th Nov (Sat)!! Lemme or dee know if you are coming! =)

2006-10-10T16:48:00.000+08:00

Another friend of mine from my days back in the orphanage recently got married. Come to think of quite a handful of the are either married or enganged. Okie i'm digressing, anyways, i was looking through her wedding photos she posted online and one caption that caught my eye said "a dream come true". I paused for a moment. I dont know why but i did. I'm glad that her dream came true. Marriage is one of the most sacred things in life. A simple statment to say the least but it made me wonder.

She and me, we are the same age, different backgrounds but grew up together in the same place. She's now married, completely contented, and I? I still want more. I still want more to what life has to offer. I want to taste success. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet without having to worry about not doing enough to support my family. What makes me wonder is how can a person be contented with something so early in life? I'm not particularly convinced of marriage at such a young age. Just look at the rising divorce rates of young couples. The figures will leave you staggering.

Call me a cynic and perhaps i am when it comes to love, marriage and happy endings.

2006-10-05T22:14:00.000+08:00

i fell in love watching this...

2006-10-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

Random Thoughts

1 - You'll never know what real thirst is until you find yourself working in the front office talking to customers the whole day while fasting. Ditto for how draining one can feel after the end of the shift.

2 - Unless you've been living in Timbaktu, Hady Mirza won Singapore Idol 2. I'm happy for him but i still prefer Taufik. Oh yea surprising i found myself at the finale results show at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. Quite an experience i might say. If all local acts get a turnout such as what i had seen at the Indoor Stadium, the Singapore music industry would actually be booming.
Thanks dee for letting me tag along! =)

3 - The boss (from my law firm job) has requested me to work in the day instead of my usual night hours. And instead of my usual 3 hours i find myself having to work double the hours, double the writs i have to generate and process, which is alright i suppose cause i'll be at least be doing something with my time, and the boss is also doubling my pay. The only thing that is troubling me is that, since the firm has a shortage of space, i have to do my work on his laptop in his office which is quite uncomfortable in my opinion. Heck as long as i get the job done i suppose.

4 - I am itching to get myself my own camera tho i'm still literally broke at the moment since my pay has yet to come in. Perhaps when my next two paychecks comesacalling we'll see then.
I have three choices of cameras in mind, the Canon Ixus, Sony T-10 and the new Lumix wide lens. I guess my ultimate choice will come down to the matter of function. We'll see =)

5 - Was watching The Ellen Degeneres show and they were in Universal Studios Orlando. Omg when i saw the rides that were there i was itching to get on any of those rides they featured. I wouldnt have been itching so much if i actually got to ride on any of the fun rollercoasters / rides in Genting the last time we were there. (Note to self: For future trips, simply leave the guys in the hotel when they take their daymn sweet time waking up and getting ready. I swear they are worse then girls)

6 - The fasting month somehow makes me crave for different things at different times. Basically the main ones would be Techno's half bbq chicken rice, bbq sambal stingray, popiah, satay and this (i forgot the name of the dish) chinese desert (i think its chinese) that has these ball thingys with peanut stuffed inside and you either eat it with peanut soup, clear soup or soyabean depending on which stall is selling it.

7 - What i love about the fasting month is when the familiy actually gets together in the small kitchen of ours to break fast or 'sahur'. Reason being its a rare sight to actually see the family sitting together around a table eating together.

8 - Russell Peters is performing in Singapore on the 6th - 8th Oct.. and i wanna go! Alas the price of the tix is wayyy over my budget.. sigh... Oh and Putri Gunung Ledang The Musical is going to be staged in Singapore the day after my Birthday! yayness! Hopefully i'll have some dough by then to actually purchase myself a tix. Hopefully my malay is not too atrocious and i'll be able to undestand everything they are saying. But then there is always the english subtitles. lolx!

9 - I'm missing my friends already. Peeps despite your busy schedules, when are we going to meet up?

10 - My aim was to end this entry at number 10. ta-dah! lolx

p.s - oh and naz i've update okie. happy??? =P

p.p.s - and tania yes the one with the glasses in the photo in the entry below is me. The ugly duckling. lolx! and hello it was the 1980s. Big plastic glasss were the in thing and being at a young age i didnt know better ok? And i had no control over what my parents buy and pick out for me. Dont tell me you dont have unique childhood photos too lolx!

okie here's a nicer decent picture of me back then.. khehehe

2006-10-01T03:10:00.000+08:00

Blogging has been somewhat a chore lately. Tho at times i've been itching to blog only to find no computer near me... anyways.

I'm suppose to be asleep now seeing that i have work tomorrow morning, well technically later today (since this post will be dated on Sunday). Honestly i was almost falling asleep when my system sudden jerked awake for reasons unknown and i found myself staring at the photo of my late father that i had on my shelf right above my bed.

I started taking out the picture of him from behind the clear container and i continued staring at the photo. Its the black and white passport sized photograph they used to have back then. I couldnt help but notice how young he looked in the photo. He didnt smile but he just looked straight into the camera. I wondered what he was thinking. A young man full of dreams and ambition taken away from his family too soon.

Then it hit me on how i cant seem to remember how his smile looks like. How his laughter sounds like. All the mannerisms you would know of your parent.
oh god i'm losing him. why can't i remember? its only been 9 years now, you dont just forget right? what if i lose everything i can remember about him?
why are tears running down my cheeks as i type this?
shit losing him shouldnt hurt as much now should it? why does it only hurt these recent years? Why can't i seem to find closure? Was it because i didnt get to say goodbye? Was it because i didnt get to see him one last time before he passed away?

it certainly doesnt help when i envy people who have loving parents, who still has their father watching out for them. Just simply having a father figure...

What i can remember about dad?
Dad is the tallest, most hardworking, patient, man i know.
He loved his children and only wanted the best for them. Although me being me, stubborn and strong minded, didnt understood that then. He took us on overseas trip every one/two years. He speaks when it is necessary and only raises his voice when you really did something bad. Everyday when he gets home from work, we will hear the jingle from his keys first and we'll run straight to the front door knowing that its him, to give him a hug and a kiss to welcome him home.

He didnt come from a well to do family but he had goals. He started working for SIA eversince he was 18 untill the day he died. Every opportunity he got to further his education he took it. He had the opportunity to do a part time course in TP and finally got his diploma. He was promoted to his own office, only enjoyed it for a week before he was hospitalised and passed away the week after.

7th ramadhan on the islamic calander marks the day dad passed away, which was yesterday. 9 years... It sounds like a long time but at the same time it doesnt.
Hopefully over time i'll find the closure i need.

-in memory-
love you dad

2006-09-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

Almost had an episode in the train on my way to work today. I was scheduled for 1st shift today which is at 8.30 a.m. Promptly left the house at 6.30 a.m. only to be left waiting at the bus stop for half an hour before i actually got on the bus to the interchange. Don't you just hate morning peak hours?

Anyways as usual the train was packed and i found myself standing near the door away from the platform. Halfway through the journey i started to feel queasy. My heart was beating too fast, a conversation between two girls who were standing too close to me was starting to sound damn irritating and too loud. I felt like a sardine in a can with no way out and the walls closing down on me. I kept telling myself to suck it up and bear with the pain cause i for one do NOT want to cause a scene and blackout in a packed train. Nor do i ever want to find myself in the back of an ambulance ever again. I kept staring at the view outside to take my mind off things, as soon as the train went into the tunnel after Kallang i started to panic. Lolx. Which was when i decided i needed to sit down. As soon as the train stopped at Lavender, i immediately alighted and went towards the nearest bench(?)

Haiz i do so hate such episodes. I blame it on the lack of breakfast and the non-existant meal i had yesterday. All i had for the whole day was biscuits and milo. hehz

Trying to get my body clock back on track has been a bitch. Tho i try to sleep as early as i can, i still find myself falling asleep only close to 2 a.m. and when i plan to wake up at 5.30 a.m. i end up waking up every hour thinking i'll be late. So much for restfull sleep.

I need to start exercising. Not for the purpose for losing weight (I do not need to lose any more weight than i can actually gain), I simply need to get healthy. The thing is i can't run, as i have no stamina and my heart won't allow it, I can't swim a decent lap also because of that reason (even tho i still do try and do 1/3 of a lap lolx), I don't go the gym as i've never been to one and i think i'll die of embarassment since i have no idea how to use any of their equipments. Well i can brisk walk. Hmm well that's one option, or i can cycle (if only my bro didnt dismantle his bike). So best option now is brisk walking and do what ever swimming i can. Now as soon as i get my body clock fixed to wake up at regular early morning hours, i can get started.

aite, now the answer to Lily's question. What's my next step?
My next step is to apply to LASALLE-SIA College of the Arts to pursure Arts Management. Its something i really want to do. Actually it has been one of the things i wanted to do eversince Secondary school only that the orphanage i used to live in the didnt allow it. So now that i'm free to choose what i want to do, why not pursue something that i thot was once impossible.

Oh and i have a confession, i know some of you know this but for those who don't, after ITE i never did choose law. Law never even came across my mind for a second until it was offered to me when the course i wanted to pursue had no more vacancies as they had reached their quota. I was only offered a place in law the weekend before the semester started! The only reason i agreed to the offer was because if i had actually waited to resume my studies the year after, i would have suffered a year of uncertainty and depression in the orphanage. I simply didnt like the idea of being holed up in the orphanage waiting and waiting even tho i was offered a place in the course i wanted for the next academic year. Was it a stupid decision? Perhaps. But if i didnt join law i'm certain my life would have been empty without all the wonderful individuals i've came to know and love along my journey. I would have been missing out on alot of experience and self discoveries i've had along the way.

Choices in life are ours to make no matter what the circumstances are and i'm a believer that things happen for a reason =)

2006-09-18T01:35:00.000+08:00

Another week gone by.
I now officially hold two part time jobs and i 'm absolutely enjoying it.

I've finally made up my mind to not take the SATS. Firstly because it is a waste of money, Secondly i have not done any maths, least to say algebra for the past 5 years now and i dont think starting now is what i want to do, Lastly have no intention of killing myself over something i dont really want to do.

All these years i've been choosing paths that i have to take due to circumstances. I think its high time now that i actually make choices based on what i want to do, based on my passions as opposed to restrictions and limitations of circumstances that has been surrounding me all these years.

Celebrated Iz's 21st birthday during the weekend. ( Confession: I did not know Iz was turning 21!! i thot he was the same age as his beloved Naz! lolx! sorry mate =P)
We were missing a few peeps but we had them in spirit.. literally since there were the exact amount of vacant chairs at our table. lolx.
After dinner and the birthday cake that everyone could not seem to finish (cept me of course, i ate mine and half of tania tay's), We went to have dessert at this quaint cafe opposite bugis junction whose owner is a friend of Darren's. The gals had our fill of chocolate fondue while we chatted and took photos.

After desserts, the only peeps left were me, tania, naz, iz, darren & mx, the night was still young so we decided to chill out by the river @ raffles. It's been quite some time since all of us took time out to simply chill, catch up on things and just talk. It was close to 2am when the group decided to head home.

Well to the birthday boy, Happy 21st Birthday! Best wishes and may your years ahead bring you joy, loads of wonderful and precious memories to come!

2006-09-11T03:49:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it?
The weekend has come and gone.
I know most people should be fast asleep in their comfortable beds, but moi? I am up in the wee hours of the morning trying to feel sleepy and fall asleep. Somehow non of the home remedies i tried seem to be working on me. Warm milk, camomile tea, herbal sleeping aid pill... hmm i think its official. My body clock is totally screwed up. My mum keeps telling me that i'm living in the wrong time zone.

Maybe i am.

Lately i've been thinking of the possiblity of living and working overseas. Whether i have the courage to actually do that. I keep looking at 'foreign talents' with successful careers in Singapore and I cant help but wonder if i could be as successful as them if I actually decide to take a chance, pack my bags and fly off halfway around the world to settle down and make a living.

I want to know what if feels like to live somewhere else other than here. Although i dispise the hot humid weather here, i love the security that i feel here. The familiarity, the uniqueness of our country. Though i know i'm adaptable to change, throw me anywhere and i'll find a way to survive, but it still scares me. Change and the unknown.

Perhaps i'll take that chance when an opportunity presents itself, or after I get my degree, pay of my student loans, have some savings in the bank and buy that plane ticket.

Saturday's gathering was fun. Been quite some time since i last saw the guys. Conversation wise, the topic that went on for the night, NS talk, more NS talk and typical guy stuff. With vik around you know what guy stuff he likes to talk about *rolls eyes*

Went out with my sis on a mission yesterday afternoon.

The mission?

To get in and out of the John Little Sale in one piece

Lolx!

okie seriously, the main reason i was there with my sis was because she needed to get some stuff before she starts her SIP on Wednesday.
I'm beginning to appreciate SALEs even though i hate the crowds. Reason because, things are cheap! Unlike rich people who can walk into any store of their choice and buy things without looking at price tags, i am not even close to that category. In a year, i'll most probably buy clothes.. hmm let's see.. when i have money.. which is not much.. if i do.. hmm maybe... four times a year? or less.

Dont even talk about Hari Raya. I even recycle my baju kurung. My last year's baju kurung was something i found in a bag of clothes that someone donated to the orphanage when i was still living there. Even if i do get to buy a new one, it is those that you find at the bazaar for like.. wat $20? around that price lah. But it doesnt matter to me. Hari Raya is like once a year. I don't go house visiting much. Grandparents house, some relatives house and that's it. I don't like visiting people's house where i know our family is unwanted. Don't you just hate looking at fake people with their fake 'i feel sorry for you' faces.

So for me its kinda funny when people actually tell me that they've already ordered their baju kurungs or kebaya's from a seamstress and its already done and they just need to go for a fitting. lolx, and the fasting month is not even here yet lah. tsk.

I know that a whole bunch people look forward to this time of year. Get themselves drunk in the festivities, the excitement, the 'duit collection' for the kids, etcetc.. But for me? I donno. Its just another thing you get thru year after year. I actually dread having to go house to house. I actually do not look forward to people coming to the house. I'll be relieved when the month of festivities ends. And i just realised, this year, it ends a day after my birthday. hmmz...

Now how did i go from talking about a SALE to my feelings on Hari Raya?
ish

*shrugs*

well anyways i should continue with my attempts to fall asleep.
ta-ra

p.s - All the best to all year 3s reading this and starting their SIP on wednesday! Break a leg! =)

2006-09-09T02:43:00.000+08:00

I havent been blogging much lately as you have noticed. Everytime i do actually sign in to create a post, i'll either stare at the blank screen or type something half way and save it as draft thinking i'll continue on it later. And somehow when i really want to blog about something, i'm no where near a computer. But then who really cares right?

Life right now, well lets just put it as i'm going with the flow. There are my good days and bad days. Hey that's part of life right?

I got myself another part time job. I will be starting on Tuesday. Ooh i cant wait. It's gonna be so much fun.

Now i know some may question why am i getting another part time job when i can get a full time job? Well i figured what's the point in getting a full time job if i'm planning on continuing my studies next year and i wont be staying long in the company. Funnily enough, this week i was doing my usual writs and such at the firm when i started to think what if i was still at the firm doing this full time? I think i would have died a long slow death by now. I would be skinnier (if that's possible) , bloodshot eyes, stressed out, pale skin, the works. lolx. And truth be told i'm thankful that i actually got myself out of that position. Life is to short to be depressed and hate what you do.

Speaking of the week. This week has been awesome. Met up with melvo and nad earlier in the week for mel's 'last supper' before starting his full employment with the government, which was yesterday afternoon. Andd he did promise to cook for us once he is able to book out. Cant wait for that. Imagine mel in the kitchen cooking for us girls. A sight to be seen. lolx!

Went out with the family in the middle of the week. Since it is the school holiday and all. Caught a movie in town, had a pit stop later on at my uncle's house to see his new born baby, met up with my 2 bros who were not with us and the 7 of us had dinner at NY pizza. It has been a long long while since the whole family has been out to eat together. It kinda warms my heart.

Its true what they say about family, even tho you do have family members who really gets on your nerves sometimes and there are some traits and habits you wish that were not there, but blood is thicker than water, no matter what family is family. The ones who will be there for you when you least expect it and you can't imagine life without them..

Gathering tomorrow with the gang at popeyes! I can't wait! Its been a longgg time since i've seen everyone. Mann time sure flies by darn fast, can you believe most of the guys have already had their POPs? Tho it still feel kinda wierd when you have a group of guy friends who are still serving their NS and another group of guy friends who have already completed theirs?

It feels kinda dejavouish to say the least. Especially during gatherings. In ITE i was the youngest and when i was in poly i was one of the oldest. So it feels that i'm kinda in a middle of a time wharp where i have two different age group of friends, but hey i love all of em' to pieces. lolx!

Speaking of which, left right and center, i have friends who are either getting married, getting engaged and some who are already married! I know its not uncommon but its like a silent nudge that is telling you "Welcome to the adult world, you're getting old and still single" wtf. Its like a warning that prepares you to what to expect when a family gathering is around the corner. Mainly relatives who like to pry into your life. bleah.
Heck I'm only 21 and turning 22 in two months. I have yet to establish myself in this world and so many things ahead of me to be thinking about such things.
Just look at the current divorce statistics of young married couples. tsk. Its one thing to fall in love, have stars in your eyes and thinking of happily ever after, but a healthy working relationship takes a lot of work and i dont think i'm prepared for that yet.

anyways.. its getting late. 3.11 a.m to be exact and i need to get some sleep if i want to be on time for my appointment with ms tania tay tomorrow. =)

Ouh yes before i forget
i wanna show off my brand new baby cuzz

aint she the cutest? ouh and note in the second pic - the difference between my hand and hers. She's so tiny! okieokie i'm gushing. Everybody gushes over babies. Who doesnt? lolx

2006-08-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

Recently caught the ads on local TV with regards to the coming IMF, about how service begins with me blahblahblah...
It got me wondering, why step up service only when this big event is going to be held in Singapore?
I heard from my service line friends that they have to undergo extra training specially for the IMF. So is this great service that we are suppose to show the IMF delegates going to continue after the event ends? Or is just merely a facade for those few weeks of the IMF event?

You know the constant problem of some service line people here in our 'friendly' country who are prejudice with customers? I wonder will it get better or worse?

Busy week this week. =) I love busy weeks, it means that i have something to do!
Planning to go out with my 2nd sis tomorrow for some sister time, crashing naz's lecture on wed and meeting up with tania after that for some catching up, work on thursday, temp job & dinner afterwards with dee & mel on Friday and Dinner gathering with my ITE mates on Saturday.

Mum started a new class today. She was complaining yesterday how she would miss her 'Indonesian soaps' in the afternoon and missing Siti Nurhaliza's wedding ceremony. lolx. But I know she enjoys attending courses where she can learn something new. Takes her mind off us kids and stuff at home for awhile. I guess that's something i got from my mum. Always wanting to learn something new. =)

She's also been coughing alot lately. Been telling myself to visit a chinese traditional medicine shop to get her one of those herbal drinks. But i tend to forget about it until i've reached home and hear her cough. haiz.. i should go and jot it down on the handphone to remind myself.

I've been thinking alot about what i want and need to do in this coming few months. Not that i have a full proof concrete plan on what is going to happen in these coming few months, but for sure one thing i know is that i am not going to shortchange myself and make a decision based on a technicality. I dont want to regret choosing a safe full proof option and later regreting it because it was a safer route.

2006-08-18T07:36:00.000+08:00

Its 7.30am in the morning
and i have yet to get some sleep
I blame it on the Large Mocha Ice Blend i had the previous evening *grinz*

So here we are with a new blog skin and all
amazing what a person can create with one night of boredom...

Well the week has been more or less the same
The boss has finally gotten a new full time secretary, so i've been switched to doing something different at work, mainly personal injury claims. Not that i'm complaining =)

I can't believe its already the middle of August. Time sure flies damn fast.

Heard on the radio last night that Mathilda got booted out from Singapore Idol. Not surprised cause i predicted she would be gone sooner or later, i just find her boring i suppose, but i'm quite surprised that mediocre singers like Joaqim (is that how his name is spelled?) is still around.

Since we're on the topic of Singapore Idol, my mum mentioned something to me that i think is quite true. If you compare this season and the first season's group , for the latter group you can actually see improvement in the singers week after week. But somehow this season's group varies from week to week and there's not much improvement. Sometimes its like torture sitting through some of the performances. (Thank God for Rockstar:Supernova showing at the same time as SI on StarWorld). Perhaps this season's group has lesser time to practise and improve on their vocals due to the constant promo shoots they have to do and the meet and greet session with fans every weekend.

oooh speaking of the weekend... its FRIDAY!
I donno why i'm so happy about it but hey it is the weekend afterall *jumps about*

alritey then
my stomach is rumbling for some breakfast and i need to get some shut eye if i'm gonna stay awake for this evening's briefing i have for a temp job i'm doing next week. lolx!

ciao peeps!

2006-08-15T15:49:00.000+08:00

The weather is simply perfect at the moment
cold and wet
goes along with my mood

Snow patrol's Chasing Cars has been on replay and i'm not sure why
perhaps it goes along with the weather and what i'm currently feeling

In a few minutes i have to get my ass off the chair and go off to work early cause the boss wants to have another 'talk' with me and he said i could leave earlier after work. rright we all know that's not true. Since when have i ever left work early? And the 'talk' he's gonna have with me i bet would be the exact same thing he keeps talking to me abt and trying to make me feel guilty for leaving work. seriously whatever. I cant believe he actually had the cheek to ask me last week 'Don't i have any remose?' bah. Since i was sick and tired of his 'psychological games' i just told him in the face a straight out 'No'. Seriously the man just cant seem to take a hint.

I dont like where my life is right now. I keep waiting for something to happen, waiting and waiting, but now i'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of sleeping late, waking up at noon and thinking of what to do next. I need to do something. But it doesnt really help when in order for me to move i'm relying on various Human Resource ppl to actually call me up for an interview. And what basically stands against me and an interview? My lack of job experience.

For example, a very very old friend of mine, which i've lost contact and now working at the firm has two years of experience under her belt and is the same age as me. My boss then questions me, 'why does she have more experience than you?'. To which my reply was " I went in to ITE first remember?' and the reason he employed me in the first place was because of that reason. seriously *rolls eyes*

sigh

i dont even know why i'm blogging about all this
i just needed to get some things off my chest instead of wallow in self pity and the coming ons of depression.
On the bright side, Westlife is having a concert next month! I soo want to go!

okie i better get my ass moving or i'll be late for the 'talk' my boss wants to have with me. bleah

2006-08-14T00:42:00.000+08:00

How much of your life do you actually control?
And how much of your life is pre-planned and will happen no matter what?

The above somehow came to me on a bright and early Sunday morning, and i was having a splitting headache to boot.

Destiny, Karma, Fate and all that jazz. Life works in mysterious ways sometimes and i wont argue with it. Things happen for a reason right? Good or Bad. What i can definitely agree on is that all of us have a certain amount of control in our lives. The choices we make everyday affects how we live even we dont realise it.

Right-O i shall move on, wasnt my initial intention to get into debates on life and what-nots lolx.

Been pretty busy the past week. I know it was National Day week and all, that doesnt mean one cant be busy. lolx. Oh yea before i move on, belated birthday shout out to Miss Tan Yi Mei.
Apologies for the late wishes, the 'procrastinativeness' got the best of me i'm afraid. Better late then never right? heehee

Alrighty then, what have i been busy with? Well i've been busy with a certain project which i shall not name here cause i'm so afraid i'd jinx it. This opportunity given to me is like the opportunity of a lifetime and i really really want to succeed. The thing is the competition out there is so great and i'm just a novice that wants it as badly as the next person. sigh.

Job hunting has come to a standstill. Tho i am still working part time at the firm and the boss is fishing for me to go back full time or take up extra days to do some other files of his, I know i won't be happy if i just stayed put. Needless to say i still have yet to go for any job interviews, and i'm getting tired of browsing through job ads on the net. At this point i so cant wait to go back to school.

I know people who secretly hate/dispise me will be sooooo pleased to hear about the state i'm in, unemployed, etcetc. Who the hell bloody cares? Heck it aint end of the world yet and sorry to burst your bubble, i'm not the kind of person who gives up easily. A wise person once said, 'when there's a will, there's definitely a way'.
So puhlease wipe that smirk off your face and show it to someone who actually gives a damn thankyouverymuch.

hmm i'm now craving for some fresh bagels w/ cream cheese and B&J's cookie dough.
I'm beginning to think i eat too much. Must be my metabolism. hmmmz....

I actually have loads more to talk about, from the fireworks festival to Singapore Idol to some inconsiderate members of the public who really deserves a kick in their butts. Well the first two is starting to become old news as the new week begins, and the latter, well i can compile a list and post it up when i'm having a bad mood.

Three things i'm looking foward to this month:

1) Dinner gathering with all my ex-ITE mates!
2) Going back to the orphanage and see all the kids! i miss them!
3) Getting a certain email that will make me jump for joy. *fingers crossed*

And right now, all i want to do is rummage through the fridge and grab something to snack on. toodles!

2006-08-03T01:31:00.000+08:00

I cannot believe this farker of a boss i actually work for. I reach home at bloody 1 a.m. doing all his stoopid files and LODs AND he got the cheeck to say to the secretary the next morning that he thought i didnt come to work yesterday evening. &^$*#@&amp;amp;%$&#^*$% cb. Waaht the work in my intray suddenly can empty on its own is it!!?!!?! *imagines kicking the bosses's head*

oh yea and you know wat, come to think of it do you know who my boss resembles in manner and what he looks like? The self proclaimed world's best boss in 'the office' (US version) . Only difference is my boss is much more 10 x more worse. He thinks he's funny but not.

oh this is just great, some idiott from the house upstairs/downstairs is smoking outside his window and the smoke is entering my bro's room and i'm in his room using his computer.

bleah.

anyways something strange happened to me when i was in the train on the way to meet dee and latha at raffles for lunch.. I had my eyes closed cause the sun was glaring (i didnt bring along my sunglasses) and listening to my ipod when i suddenly caught a whiff of something familiar. The freaky part of it is that, the scent is the last thing i remembered of my dad when i kissed his forehead before they completed the 'kapan' (i'm not sure of the english translation) process, that scent and the coldness of his forehead has eversince been etched in my memory. So imagine the uneasiness i felt when i caught a whiff of that on the MRT. My heart almost stopped for a bit.
haiz.. i must be going mad.

lolx anyways since national day is coming and all dat below is a clip of guys who have a lot of time and nothing better to do... hilarious. lolx

2006-07-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

I've been having the flu this couple of days which is why i wasnt able to drag myself out of bed to work on Thursday. Was chatting with my boss's secretary yesterday on msn, and when she found out i was sick she came to the conclusion that i'm having too much fun with all the free time i have. ahhahaha if fun = bored moments then i'd agree but so far whatever she must be thinking of what i've been doing with my time is sooo far off base. lolx!

Spent the day with dee today! Swimming in the morning, lunch, slacked at her place for a bit, went to school to clear out our lockers, dropped those heavy stuff at my house, went for a movie at the cathay and had dinner at P.S! whheeee... one of the most Funn days i've ever had. and now i'm dead beat! lolx!

Ouh and this happened when we were on our way down from the cinemas...

Upon me seeing a huge poster of Colin Farrell and Salma Hayek's latest movie "Ask the Dust"
Me : Ask The Dust? What Do you want to ask the dust?
Dee : When were you last swept?
Me : (Looks at Dee, absorbed what dee said, looked at her again and starts laughing)

=P

Anyways i need to stop reading current juniors and seniors blogs. why? Because i miss school. I miss school a damn lot and I cant believe their semester time is back to normal. sigh.. must be i miss my friends too much since i'm used to seeing them everyday.

Oh yea btw i was so surprised when me and dee went by ILaw this afternoon to find it was empty! empty at 4pm?! I never remembered iLaw being that empty. There will always be somebody there, especially when we have tests in the afternoon, peeps studying as a grp, guys making a fool out of themselves... lolx! man those were the days...

I am finding myself addicted to Yahoo! Answers. One way to kill boredem and exercise my internet research skills. Like i told dee, i can open my own business already ahahhaa.. I especially find some questions posted on relationships amusing and most of em' revolve around the same issue. Since i have nothing better to do i've been answering those questions as well lolx! funny thing is i was even voted best answer. wtf! ahahhaa..

2006-07-27T02:14:00.001+08:00

Every night i tell myself
"Azi today you must go to sleep early. Your late nights are not doing you any good."
However everyday i still find myself infront of the computer screen during ungodly hours (i wonder what i do sometimes besides stoning and talking to dee on msn) and i would in the end be dragging myself to the shower and then to bed only when the whole house is starting to awake from slumber.

I know i know this is bad and so not good for one's health cause the body is not getting enough rest, not to mention the panda eyes etcetc blahblahblah. lolx.
I'm trying but i need to have something to do the next day that will actually motivate me to sleep early. Like work for example, or some fun activity with friends you know? lolx

Anyways mum's big 50 this friday, and me and my siblings are clueless. Clueless as to what to buy for her, and clueless on how we are going to celebrate it. Okie the first one is because we have no idea what to buy for her. Mum is a very practical person, she doesnt wear accessories except for the bracelet and ring dad bought for her when they got married and as history has shown, whatever presents we have given her, well i'm not sure bout the others, ok whatever presents i have given her, handmade or something i know she likes, she will just literally chuck it to one side. So you tell me, whatelse can i actually come up with that she won't actually throw back to my face? even if she literally doesnt do that.....

The only bright idea me and my sis came up with is this juicer we saw on tv that we know she will like since she's trying to live healthy and she used to make fresh fruit juices for us when we were younger. However the problem we have right now is money. As usual what else. See none of us siblings are employed full time. I'm working part time and my two other grown up siblings are still in school and their part time job allowances are basically their school allowances as well. So bottomline is, it is out of our budget.

Okie now the second bit about being clueless at how to celebrate her birthday? Well the last time i attempted to celebrate a birthday (which was my 21st btw) she did not even turn up and the movie i treated the whole family to? Well lets just say everyone ended up edgy and quiet. And i wonder why i always end up crying during my birthday...

sigh.. T-minus two days i hope we'll agree on something.

I know I sound like i'm describing mum in a bad light, but she's not in anyway a bad mother. She's the most strongest woman i know, with dad gone and having to raise 6 children on her own. After close to 10 years on her own i know she's tired and she's trying to do her best and every single day i feel guilty for not doing more then i'm currently trying to. And the sad part is i dont have that strong bond i usually see daughters and mothers have with each other. Maybe i blame the fact that i was absent from the family during my whole teenage years or maybe i should blame myself for not trying hard enough. The thing is when you've spent all your teenage years alone, you get used to dealing with your emotions and whatever is happening in your life on your own. Don't get me wrong tho, i love my mum just that i dont tell her that enough and i don't know how to...

Speaking of birthdays... National Day is coming soon, its going to take place for the last time at the National Stadium before the stadium is closed down for renovations. The saddest part about this is... i have never been in the National Stadium before and neither have i ever watched a LIVE run of the NDP in the National Stadium. Oh well i guess there's just some things in life you'll never get to experience... And then every year you keep reading news reports about people selling NDP tickets online and one of the reasons they are selling it? "None of my family members want to go" What about those people who really want to go but the balloting system just seem to pass them all the time?? haiz...
I don't think i'll be missing much anyways. I rather spend time with my friends and watching fireworks from the Bay. Oh yea btw did you know that the previous year's fireworks festival during National Day was my first time seeing fireworks LIVE? lolx.. i know i'm deprived. =P

Oouh ouh and i finally went swimming after months and months of procrastination and subtle hints from the physiotherapist. I gotta admit it was fun since i was with dee and i realise i really need to brush up on my swimming hehe.. so i'm making it a point to go at least once a week! Now i know why my lil bro keeps running off to the public swimming complex whenever he can. lol!

Aite its almost 3.30 a.m and i feel the need to cool off in the showers before i submit to some much needed sleep. Ciao!

2006-07-25T03:13:00.000+08:00

Memories...

I was going through my photos folder in my bro's computer, which i have yet to permanently burn into a CD. So much memories, the good, the bad, the hilarious, the what ifs and what used to be...

I realise people come and go in our lives but memories will always stay, especially the good ones. Life is too short for regrets and for some things you just have to let go and move on. Those who have crossed my path during my poly days will always be remembered and the bonds of friendship forged along the way will always be treasured.

My anchors of support: Tania, Candy, Marcus, Mx, Yi Mei, Melvyn, Nadira, Kay, Latha, Sinthu, Sashi, Nazurah, Apri, De Sheng, Hazelyn and Priya. I dont think i've ever said this, I want you guys to know that I'm really blessed to have met you guys in poly especially when i was going through some of the worst periods in my life and when i needed support, you guys were there. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you =) *hugs*

"When I find myself fading, I close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy."

Poly Life in summary
2003 - 2006
(in random order)

2006-07-24T01:55:00.000+08:00

He's Just Not That Into You

I think this is an empowering book that all single women should read. Written by former writers of the hit tv series Sex and The City, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

An excerpt from the book:

Chapter One: he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out

Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.

Now you begin the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in.

The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?

Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster — but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "(expletive) buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves — we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of — and I say this with a lot of love — is how not attracted to you he is.

The "Maybe He's Intimidated by Me" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I have a crush on my gardener. He's been potting the plants on my patio. It was hot, I saw him without his shirt on, he was hot, and now I'm hot for him. I brought out some beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid, because he is my hired man. In this situation, can't I ask him out?

Cherie

Dear My Secret Garden,

He's capable of asking you out. Haven't you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy. But seriously, if he didn't pick up the vibe after the beer garden, it has nothing to do with you being his big boss lady. Time to stop and smell the bad news: He's just not that into you.

Let me say it again, sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he's into her. He might need a little more encouragement than normal, I'll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it.

By the way, why are you dating the exterminator?

Just kidding, he's a good guy.

The "Maybe He Wants to Take It Slow" Excuse

Dear Greg,

There's this guy who calls me all the time. He's recently divorced, and in AA. We got back in touch recently, had lots of phone calls, and then hung out twice in one week and it was real cool. No flirting or making out or anything, but fun. Since then, he calls me all the time but doesn't ever suggest we see each other in person again. It's like he got scared or something. I would understand if because of the divorce/alcoholic/starting-a-whole-new-life stuff he wanted to take things slow. But he still calls me all the time to have long heart-to-heart talks. What the hell should I do with this guy?

Jen

Dear Pillow Talk,

Sadly, not wanting to see you in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go. And as far as the recently divorced/newly sober/starting-a-new-life parts, blah blah blah, I'm getting sleepy, it's hot, I'm going down for a nap. When I wake up from that nap I'll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life. You, however, will still not be going on a date, because despite all your excuses for him, he's still not asking you out. Now, if you're a person who enjoys a slightly satisfying phone relationship, talk on! But at this point it seems like he's just not that into you. Be his friend if you're at all interested on that level, but move your romantic inclinations onto a more suitable future husband.

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he'll want to make sure you don't get frustrated and go away.

The "But He Gave Me His Number" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I met a really cute guy at a bar this week. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call sometime. I thought that was kind of cool, that he gave me control of the situation like that. I can call him, right?

Lauren

Dear Control Freak,

Did he give you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? What he just did was a magic trick: It seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to decide if he wants to go out with you — or even return your call. Why don't you take Copperfield's number, roll it in a newspaper, pour milk in it, and make it disappear.

"Give me a call." "E-mail me." "Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime." Don't let him trick you into asking him out. When men want you, they do the work. I know it sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out.

The "Maybe He Forgot to Remember Me" Excuse

Dear Greg,

Okay, Greg. Listen to this one: I was at a conference for work and met a guy from another branch of my company. We hit it off immediately. He was just about to ask for my number, I swear, when the Big Blackout of 2003 happened. In the mayhem, I didn't get to give him my number. I think the Big Blackout of 2003 is a good enough excuse to call him, don't you think? It's only common courtesy for me to check up on him, right? If I don't call, he's probably going to be all sad thinking that I'm just not that into him.

Judy

Dear Judy Blackout,

The city blacked out. He didn't. You said you work for different branches of the same company. Certainly he wouldn't have to break a sweat to scroll through the company staff roster or interoffice e-mail listing to find you. And should he not be as resourceful as you are...I imagine that he has a mother, sister, or female friend that could show him how, if he was really interested.

P.S.: Shame on you for using an eastern seaboard disaster as an excuse to call a guy up.

Have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he'll still remember you after the tsunami, flood, or Red Sox loss. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time. Know why? You are great. (Now, don't get cocky.)

The "Maybe I Don't Want to Play Games" Excuse

Dear Greg,

This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out?

Nikki

Dear Nikki,

Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

Or maybe you're the chosen one.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children — sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.

IT'S SO SIMPLE

Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.

HERE'S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD, by Liz

Well, it's obvious. Are you telling us that we have to just sit around and wait? I don't know about you, but I find that infuriating. I was brought up to believe that hard work and good planning are the keys to making your dreams come true. I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action. But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We're just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why don't you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who'll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That'll get his attention.

Really, in this day and age, the hardest thing to do for many women, particularly me, is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan. And I'm talking about more than just making sure our hair doesn't frizz. Most women who date, I would guess, don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it's even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time.

But guess what: My way? Has sucked. Hasn't worked at all. I've never had a successful relationship with a guy that I've pursued. I'm sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. But for me, those guys end up getting back together with their ex-girlfriend, needing to take some time for themselves, or going out of town for business. Usually it doesn't even get that far. They usually just don't ever return my phone call. And let me tell you, that didn't make me feel very in control of anything.

Since I've been implementing Greg's handy-dandy "he's just not that into you" philosophy, I've been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE, by Greg

One night I was drinking in a bar and flirting with the bartender. I asked for her number. She said, "I don't give out my phone number because guys rarely call me when they say they're going to. My name is Lindsey Adams, and if you want to call me, find my phone number." Which I did — the very next day. Do you know how many Lindsey Adams there are in the phone book of a major city? Let's just say I talked to about eight or nine before I found mine.

An actor we work with met a girl while he was making a public appearance on an aircraft carrier. He lost track of her in about ten minutes. And yet, because he was so smitten, he somehow managed to track her down in the army, and they are now married.

GREG, I GET IT! By Leslie, age 29

Greg! I get it. I went to this party and I met this guy. We started talking immediately by ourselves, off in a corner. He asked if I was single and seemed pleased when I said I was. Whenever we split up to talk to other people, or to get drinks or whatever, he always kept his eye on me. It was really cool. I was all excited and fluttery with that "Oh my God, I think I just met someone!" feeling. He didn't ask for my number, but we know lots of people in common, so I thought he was just playing it cool. He never called me! And you know what? Normally I would call our mutual friends and start fishing and trying to figure out what happened and maybe try to find another way to see him again. But instead, I'm just going to move on! Who cares what his deal is. He's not asking me out, so why should I start obsessing over him? I'm just going to go out tonight and try to meet someone else.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE GREG

We did an incredibly unscientific poll where we polled twenty of our male friends (ranging from ages twenty-six to forty-five), who are in serious long-term relationships. Not one of their relationships started with the woman asking them out first. One guy even said that if she had, "It would have spoiled all the fun."

What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter

• An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."

• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.

• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.

• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.

• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

• You are good enough to be asked out.

Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook

Hey, what's a self-help tome without a workbook? Our chapters will all be so brave and wise that we want to make sure you retain as much of the brilliance as you can. So for all of you who feel the need to get out of your problems and into your crayon box, have at it.

Love,

Greg and Liz

Remember in grade school how they told you not to write in your textbooks? Screw that! Grab a pen and list five reasons why you think you have every right or good reason to call him.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Put the book aside and wait an hour. Or at least ten minutes. Then ask yourself: Do I seem pathetic? Do I sound like someone who doesn't trust my own innate hotness? Yes,you do! Now put your dialing finger away, get out of the house, and go find some fun.

2006-07-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

RANDOM THOUGHTS

1 - Caught Singapore Idol for the first time this week, I seriously think Mediacorp Studios need to do something with their sound system. It was really bad especially when Daniel Ong was speaking to the contestants backstage. Ouh and they should maybe change either their stage manager or their whole stage crew cause you can see alot of cues being missed and awful camera angles.

2 - RatedE. Channel 5's latest english entertainment news show after a very long haitus. I like the idea but you can obviously see that the concept of the show is not original and as refereshing as they want to make us think, especially if their audience actually tune in to Channel E on cable. And i seriously have doubts on the chemistry between Shan Wee and Michelle Chong. Shan Wee is kinda green since this is his first time hosting but i believe he can improve with time and when he gets comfortable in front of the camera. But for Michelle Chong, well somehow i feel a vibe of fakeness as well as lameness. They should replace her altogether and get someone fresher.

3 - Law of Employment. When you are really in search for a job you'll get no interviews. But when you take your mind off it and live in the moment and not worry about it, a job offer will actually come along. Therefore i shall no longer worry of not getting a job and take each day a step at a time and do the things that i've been longing to do for a long time, like taking piano lessons again, really learn how to ice skate, strum a tune on the guitar... =)

4 - I was looking at the new law inc exco photo on mat's blog and i cant believe i'm saying this but i was overcome with jealousy. I see alot of potential in the new comm. i know i know i need to move on since i've graduated and everything but somehow law inc has been part of my life for 3 years and i miss it. I miss being part of a committee, orgainising events for students, interacting with students to know what they want, their feedback and stuff, i miss the experience, the journey, learning more about what i can do, my strengths and weaknesses. sigh.. i need to get a life and move on.

5 - I like the idea of falling for a guy who is misunderstood by many. Because then it wouldnt matter what other people will think of us so long as we understand each other and I will also get to laugh at all those women who had their chance to get to know him and passed because they thought they were being 'clever' and thus missed out on the great things he had to offer.

6 - Seriously thinking of going away for the weekend somewhere next month. Doesnt really matter where, Redang, Bangkok, KL, wherever.. for some R&R and perhaps some alone-reflection time, i can do with some company but with my besties being busy with school/work, we'll see how it goes.. but you know me i'm the 'spur-of-the-moment' kind of girl =)

7 -What do you do if you have feelings for someone that you know is just impossible? Feelings that you have been denying and laughing at yourself for how ridiculous it sounds. How do you know that it is even real to begin with? How do you know if it just something your mind does to occupy the idle time you have? hmmz...

8 - I just dont get guys who kills their girlfriend's self-confidence and in their defence says that it is for her own good. wtf.

9 - Went over to one of my closest friend's place today cause i was concerned about the phone call she gave me last weekend, hanging out with her today, just talking and listening to her made me realise how much i actually missed her company and how bad a friend i have been these past few years. I am going to be a better friend.

10 - I dont know why but as i was walking from my friend's home to tampines interchange i suddenly felt numb and decided to continue walking all the way home. I felt like i could continue walking forever and not stop. That has not happened for quite some time now and i wonder what has actually triggered this.

11 - The Veronicas' Heavily Broken has been playing continously in my head like a broken record and i dont know why. I seriously need it to stop cause i'm afraid i'll just break down and cry.

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Any day there's nothing new
And I just try to find some hope
To try to hold onto
Then it starts again
It'll never end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then it starts again
It'll never end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for air
(Screaming for air)
Louder I'm crying
And you don't even care

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
(What can I do)
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
theres nothing i can do

2006-07-22T07:14:00.000+08:00

found myself awake bout half an hour ago and i'm still wondering why am i awake at such an hour with only 2 hours of sleep??!?!? Being groggy as i am in the state of numbness, i accidentally deleted all the messages in my handphone. Bloody hell.

So now what in the world am i suppose to do this bright and early Saturday morning? I feel like taking a jog but i'm too lazy, i feel like going for a swim but i have yet to buy myself the proper public swimming pool attire which i have been procrastinating to do so all these months, i feel like going back to sleep but my mind just doesnt seem to be cooperating and i'm freakingly bored out of my mind.

Law investiture yesterday. Kudos to the new committee for a job well done, especially to Ruz the event I/C. Comments on my speech was either they thought i wanted to cry or they could hear that i was nervous as hell from my voice. lolx! but i guess it went ok =) Personally i loved the performance by Dominic and the other guy (i'm sorry but I didnt catch his name =P). Prefered their second song as compared to the first one. Darlings Tania & Naz came down but missed the whole thing, i'm not going into the reasons why *stares at Naz* But being in time for the food was what mattered right? tsktsk lolx.. but seriously thanks guys for coming to support me, you guys are the best! *hugs*
I know i'm being impatient but Mat you owe me photos =)

So what should i do today? Catch a movie on my own later this afternoon (Murderball or Thank You for Smoking??)? Go to the library and borrow some new books to read? Laze around at home and watch weekend cartoons and DVDs? Update my photoshop-ing skills and make me a new blogskin? Do some window shopping in town and stare in envy at people who are actually shopping? (speaking of which the GSS ending tomorrow!!), go down to the esplanade this evening for some free live music at the waterfront? hmmz so many choices so little time...

maybe i should go and rummage me up some breakfast first...

2006-07-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

Law Investiture this evening.. and... i have not come up with anything for my speech. Lolx what's new? hehz i've never been good with speeches, and usually when i eventually come up with one i end up not following it altogether. So now what does an outgoing member say to an LT full of students (of which half she may not know) and to the brand new committee? *Scratches head* hmm i think i'll sleep on it, it will come to me sooner or later. =)

I don't know why i still tolerate this boss of mine. Seriously. Some of the things he say to me, i feel like taking those words and shoving it back into his mouth. It seriously takes alot of patience to actually restrain myself from rolling my eyes and saying something sarcastic back to him. ish.

But nevermind tolerate i shall. What goes around comes around.

ouh and funnily enough apparently the boss has decided to look for a new full time secretary and wants me to help him find one. rrite.. Well apparently his grand plan has backfired, the other part time girl he hired has somehow become a liability and now he realise the workload is too much to handle with his current plan. And can you believe it he blames me for the disarray!!?! Bloody hell. #$*&*&@#$ ... Nevermind azi breathe.. its just another test... *breathes*

to take my mind off things i shall do this thingy that dee has tagged me with.. hmm..

10 FAVOURITES

- Fave Colour : red, green, white, black

- Fave Food : pizza! chocolate anything.. okie if i'm to list it all it's gonna take too long.. lolx!

- Fave Song : Currently i'm into the oldies, feel good music; BBking, the temptations, etc

- Fave Movie : Pride & Prejudice, King Arthur, LOTR trilogy, POTC...

- Fave Sport : Spectator Sports

- Fave Day of the Week : I'm usually in a good mood on Thursdays =)

- Fave Ice-Cream Flavour : Choc Chip Cookie Dough!! Duh!

- Fave Car Model : 1970 Torino GT fastback, Volkswagen New Beetle

- Fave Subject in School : Geography! French!

- Fave Snacks : Ice Cream! Choc Chip Cookies! Milk Choc w/ Almonds/Hazelnut/Mint/Nougat bits

9 CURRENTS

- Current Mood : "Stoned"

- Current Taste : urm? taste in what? men? clothes?

- Current Clothes : tank top, 3/4 pants, cardigan

- Current Desktop : some sort of hooded angel with a big assed sword

- Current Toenail Colour : pinkish gold

- Current Time : 1:28 a.m.

- Current Annoyance : people who stops suddenly in a crowded walking area or just stands infront of a moving escalator

- Current Thoughts : i cant believe i'm doing this and why isnt 2 a.m here sooner so i can catch this week's episode of Supernatural on AXN

8 FIRST

- First Best Friend : hmm... i can't seem to remember

- First Crush : Bruce Wayne.. i'm serious.. lolx!!

- First Movie : Beauty & the Beast

- First Music : Hotel California - Eagles

- First Car : well i have yet to have my own car but first car in my family was my late dad's which was a Hyundai.

- First Real Date : never been on one.

7 LASTS

- Last Drink : peach green tea

- Last Car Ride : hmm... it seems like ages ago...

- Last Movie Crush : Superman/Clark Kent

- Last Phone Call : Hiekal (ex-ITE classmate)

- Last Song Played : Get Right -JLo

- Last Food Ate : Rice w/ chicken curry

- Last Thing I Do Before Sleeping : Wash face, tone, moisturize, flip thru a magazine, stare at the ceiling, turn off bedside lamp

6 HAVE YOU EVER?

- Have You Ever Dated 1 of Your Bestfriend? : nope.

- Have you ever broken the law? : in a way. heck i'm no angel *wicked smile*

- Have you been arrested? : nope.

- Have you ever skin dipped? : nope.

- Have you ever been on TV? : blink and you'll miss me

- Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know? : nope.

5 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING

wasnt this asked just now? hmm

- tank top

- 3/4 pants

- studs

- watch

- ring

4 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY

- went to work

- chat to an ex-classmate

- blogged

- ate

3 THINGS YOU CAN HEAR NOW

- the tv

- the fan

-

2 THINGS YOU CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT

- music

- water

1 THING YOU'LL DO WHEN YOU ARE BORED

- grab a good book to read

Aite i'm not going to force anyone else to do this only because i'm nice =) but naz if you're feeling too free as you are right now since you're reading this, feel free to do it! hehe...

2006-07-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was simply awesome. Been awhile since the group has congregated in one place. Missing the joker himself, Vik a.k.a Mr manhunt. lolx havent seen him eversince he started serving the nation. Anyways yesterday was nice; food, conversations, planning our next future escapade and simply chilling under the stars. Brought back memories of our chilling out sessions we used to have at the airport. I miss the feeling i get just being there and listening to us talk. Even if it meant listening to the guys with their 'men' talk and dirty jokes. lolx.

Met mx's 'ms lui'. I've fallen in lust. Just holding her and experimenting with her functions makes me forget my surroundings for quite a bit. That one night with her, however short it was, made me realise how badly i wanted one just like her. So my short term goal at this moment, besides getting employed is to save up enough money to buy my own.
Strange isnt it how men name their objects of great importance after a female. But i kinda understand cause in this case, this certain object is something you'll bring along with you wherever you go, always by your side, ready when fully charged to work when you need to aim and shoot. So when i do eventually get one of my own i'm going regard it as my very own boyfriend lolx. Seems appropriate somehow. Always there when you need him, with time you slowly begin to understand him and how it can work well with you.... *winkz*

And for those who still dont know what in the world i've been talking about... well... 'ms liu' is a digital SLR camera. lolx

2006-07-15T16:33:00.000+08:00

As i stand underneath the shower every morning and run my fingers through my hair, it stills wierds me out on how short it is. The best part of all this is that i now spend half the normal time i usually do in the showers lolx.

This week has definitely been a week of change, madness and spontaenous activities. I feel like nothing is going to stop me from trying out new things and feeling so carefree that i feel dizzy from all that has been going on. Chopping off my locks, piercing my ears, buying shoes i know that will somehow end up in storage with the lack of occasions to wear, one would think i was drunk and had lost my mind. And now being broke and unemployed (not counting my part time gig at the firm) i wonder what holds for me these few weeks down the road. I dont even dare to think so far ahead.

I like this new feeling i have, daring to try new things, daring to be different and i dont mind the feeling of being unafraid of anything and walking with my head held up high and knowing that people notice but deep down i'm still afraid. It is not something I'd like to admit to the world but here i feel like i can say anything and be damned what people think.

To some of you it might sound kind of pathetic/strange/whateveryounameit on how i feel safer behind a computer screen being honest with my feelings instead of real flesh and blood. *shrugs* I guess its the looks in people's eyes that i see that stops me from saying more, saying anything. Through experience I''m quite good at recognizing vibes i get from people and my prediction are usually on the spot. Sure i long for that one person who'll just listen to me and not judge, listen and be there for me no matter how ridiculous i sound because that person knows me. But wanting that is just like wishing you were living in a fairytale. But funnily enough, the ironic thing is that here people actually read what you type even if they disagree with what you think or just plain curious to know what goes on in your life. Sure readers might judge what you type but no one is forcing them to feel anything. I don force you to read what i type, I dont force you to agree/disagree with me, i dont force you to feel anything towards me. But still i see my blog counter rise even thou i know its not by the hundreds that other blogs get. Heck i'm even surprise people are actually reading this. Even so, it gives my mind some comfort cause i have an outlet for my thoughts, i would have ended up in a psych ward if i didnt. Behind a screen you dont look back at eyes, eyes that judge you, eyes that tells you alot on what people are thinking, feeling.. Behind a screen you dont feel vibes that people throw at you. You dont get hurt. I know here hurtful words can be thrown at me when someone disagrees with me, hates my layout, the background music, hate me.. but there's nothing i can do about it cause those are just words. Words that i can laugh at because how ridiculous they sound, words from people who dont know me but are rattled enough to say something.

But all in all i thank god for the few close friends i have in my life. Those who has been there for me thru some of my worse days. Those who actually listens and tells me things straight and not blur the truth. =)

Enough of that and back to what i was talking about intitally. Everyday as i lie on my bed at night, i dream of what my life can be. Spreading my wings, moving out of the house to anywhere i want, the UK, the States, anywhere where i can learn, experience, feel and earn enough for myself and to send some home to the family. But that is only part of dreams that i have and deep down i know it would stay as that cause the ties of responsibilities i have and my conscience just does not allow me to do so, and not forgetting the lack of monetary funds. Even tho i've resigned from the first job i ever had because i did not want to get caught in a rut of regrets and what ifs, in the back of my mind i keep asking myself if what i did was right? Am i wrong to want to try out and learn something new, something that i have passion in that i wont mind staying back late after office hours because i enjoy what i'm doing? I seem to help wondering why i'm still in here in the state of nothingness?

No job interviews, nothing, na-da, zilch. Somehow it doesnt matter how educated i am as long as i have a couple years of job experience under my belt which i dont since i'm a fresh graduate, and somehow the vibe i seem to get is that fresh graduates are nothing. peanuts. so i wonder if fresh graduates are not given a chance where the heck am i gonna get what like '2 years job experience' under my belt and considering our country is an aging population, did i miss the memo that says " ignore the youth and those keen to learn", and the other one that goes, "employ more expats! They are sure nice to look at", ouh and one more, "speak mandarin or nothing"? sigh.. Should i go back to where doors are opened for me because of the diploma i possess or should i wait till what i know is right comes along?

Maybe i should just become a radio dj, sit behind a radio console, being able to be yourself, talk all you want, play great music, accompany lonely people who listen to the radio.. but then i prefer doing that in the olden days where radio djs are not that recognised, people dont really know what you like but only the sound of your voice which allows the listeners to run free with their imagination on what you look like and you dont need to be a public figure as what radio djs are now, you dont even need to look half as good as djs are nowadays cause only what you can bring to your audience that matters. oh well i guess that too will remain as a childhood dream.

anyways today i'm not going to let my mind wander off anymore. I have a birthday celebration to attend and i'm gonna focus on having fun with my friends and be in the moment.

Dearest Tania,

Happy 21st Birthday!

Love you babe! Thank you for being you and may the years to come bring you precious and wonderful memories. All the best in your future endeavours, keep shining and god bless. *hugs*

2006-07-12T00:09:00.000+08:00

What Moments of Madness May Do To Someone....

Mainly moi.

In a spontaneous move by me i did something way wayyy drastic. Dont worry nobody got killed or anything. I wanted to try something different, and with the way my life has been going, i figured a change would do me good. To start things afresh and throw away some bad luck along with it.

Still dont know what i'm talking about?

Here you go....

Before

After

so what do you think?

I'm slowly but surely growing to love it lil' by lil' and i love the absence of weight on my head. I know i know some of you may be thinking, what the hell have i done. lolx. But i think the cut actually suits me.

Funny thing was that my hairdresser, Dawn and the salon's makeup artist, Ida, kept asking me before the cut if i was really absolutely sure of chopping off my locks. Well since i was having a positive mood today, i actually told them not to worry cause its only hair and hair does grow back you know. And i have absolute faith in my hairdresser. Afterall she was the one who did my hair for prom. =)

During the cut itself i tried to not look at myself in the mirror as i was kind of afraid of what i was going to see. But afterawhile i couldnt help it but look at myself and what Dawn was doing to my hair cause this is the shortest hair i've ever had and i was curious. lolx

I'm sure glad i trusted Dawn and voila. My new do. Even Ida changed her mind and said i looked better with my new hairstyle.

so there you have it. My most spontaneous and drastic moment of 2006.

2006-07-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

So now then... what happened to Zizou on the field during extra time? I swear he was voodoo-ed or something. What a way to retire! Going out with a bang! and a red card to boot! lolx. But seriously, i know the french are dissapointed in what he did with the head butting episode but like i told my sister, i seriously think that Materazzi guy must have really said something bad to make Zizou react the way he did. The Daily Mail reported that French newspaper L'Equipe allegated that Materazzi had called Zizou a terrorist. If that statement was true, man that Materazzi seriously deserved more than being headbutted by Zizou For the clueless on why would that statment affected Zizou? Well perhaps mainly because Zizou is a muslim. But we cant really be sure what really happend out there since both sides has yet to confirm or deny anything.

I guess when the heat is on, it doesnt matter what dirty tricks you have up your sleeves as long as you win. And i still dont get why post match France supporters are saying how it was because of Zizou being sent out that they lost the match and how they lost all hope when that incident happened...

well helloooo, what do you take the other players for? Decorations for the team? seriously. tsk. *rolls eyes*

Well que sera sera, it has all been said and done and no use crying over spilled milk. I wish all the best for Zizou in his future endeavours.

Oh and before i stop talking about the world cup, i would like to say that i personally do not like the match commentator on Starhub Cable. For every match you can obviously know which team he is supporting by the 'bias-ness' in his words. It seriously gets irritating after awhile when you actually want to hear objective comments on the match and not what he personally thinks about the opposing team and its players...

********************************

In case you've noticed my current blogskin is a recycle of one of my previous ones with a few alterations. This is only temporary until i'm done with a new one. So bear with me ppl! =)

Finally got my hands on "RENT" DVD! Awesome awesome stuff. Below is an extract of the lyrics to one of my fave scenes...

There Is No Future - There Is No Past

Thank God This Moments Not The Last

There's Only Us
There's Only This
Forget Regret Or Life Is Yours To Miss

No Other Road No Other Way
No Day But Today

I Can't Control

My Destiny

I Trust My Soul

My Only Goal
Is Just To Be

Without You
The Hand Gropes
The Ear Hears
The Pulse Beats
Life Goes On
But I'm Gone
Cause I Die
Without You
I Die Without You
I Die Without You
No Day But Today
I Die Without You

No Day But Today

Will I Lose My
Dignity
Will Someone
Care
Will I Wake
Tomorrow
From This
Nightmare

There's Only Now
There's Only Here
Give In To Love
Or Live In Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way

No Day But Today
No Day But Today

2006-07-10T01:26:00.000+08:00

In the Law Firm today...

Keith (the cute one) was dismissed.. major bummer since he was the only good looking one to look at but i guess it was expected since his closing was weak. Hmm kinda reminded me of my closing during law advocacy. lolx. Tho i seriously think that Deep should be dismissed too. Damn full of rubbish and hot air. Then again which lawyer wannabe aint full of hot air?

Anyways the Law Firm reminded me of how interesting it would be like if i actually decide to pursue law and fight for a case i believed in in court, the adrenaline, the challenge, the satisfaction of winning a case. But then again i'm the kind of person who takes things too personally for my own good, and i hear the judges in court loves scolding lawyers in the middle of trial.. and there's also the possiblity of me burning out even before i reach 30 so i guess i better stick to something i love doing and instead of doing something just to get a kick out of doing it and be the envy of my snobbish relatives.

Which reminds me. I donno why but i seriously dont get when people goes 'wow' when i say that i have a diploma in law & management. seriously what is the big f-ing deal? It only makes me feel like stuffing that diploma down their throats. lolx. Seriously having the diploma is just sugar coating the fact that you have been trained to become the slaves to lawyers and before you know it you'll be chained to a desk with mountains of files welcoming you and your social life with open arms. And no you do not become a lawyer with a diploma, you have to do 4 years of law school first. Kind of like if you major in Psychology in BA (Arts & Social Science) in NUS but you cannot become a psychologist because you have to take your Masters first.

Anyways went out with aida, ifah and wan today. Had dinner at Swensens, window shopped and had a camwhoring session at the bus stop on the way to the airport cause Wan had to work tonight. I totally had a blast today and got ifah a belated birthday present. The POC DVD that she has been dying to watch. lolx. Cant wait to meet up with them again soon! Aida i 'm awaiting for your available schedule and wan's too =)

As of today i think i've applied to like 10 different companies for 10 various positions. The best of it all is that non of them have anything to do with law! whee.. its now or never! try and die trying! lolx.. But seriously if i dont get any reply in two weeks i am so going to be panicking like you wouldnt believe it.. or not? lolx..

The World Cup finals is starting in half an hour! I so cant wait! Italy v France! I'm so not telling you who i'm rooting for, but i gotta say both teams are good. I guess the team that wins is gonna be team which is most hungriest for the cup.

Oh yea btw before i end of this entry, something in the news has been bothering me. You know some of the hospitals in our country have been running out of hospital beds due to the surge of people getting the flu and all that. Well in review of what had happened in London last year (for the clueless its the 7/7 attack on London), i was thinking, if that same thing was to happen to Singapore (touch wood) around the same time this year, what will happen to the victims if all the available hospitals are maxed out?

aite i shall end my post here then
gotta wake up my bro for the match which is happening in 10 mins! eek!
i havent even gotten my snacks ready yet.. hmm..

aite ciao darlings!

2006-07-09T11:58:00.000+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

2006-07-08T17:51:00.000+08:00

I realise today that i'm the queen of all procrastinators. Lolx. If there was a society for one i'll think i can become the President.. hmm no scratch that the CEO perhaps lolx. Thing is when it comes to being a professional with work i like doing things fast, clear my table and not have things lying around in my intray. However when it comes to doing things for myself or what is somewhat still in existance of what is called my social life, i tend to procrastinate.

Let me see what are the things that i have to do which i have yet to do.. hmm... As of now it has been a couple of months since i had made up my mind to go to one of the seamstress in the neighbourhood 'market' to order myself some nice pair of tailor made pants. and i have yet to do that. It has been hmm... what like 3 days that i was suppose to have gone to the library to return and borrow books, shop for birthday presents and do some personal much needed shopping which i have been pushing and convincing myself that i could do the next day but when the next day comes the same thing would happen again, same thing also happens with 'my' room, at least my side of the room that i need to clean, oh and there's the bag that i brought to genting which i have yet to put back in strorage. Andd my laundry has been begging for a week to be washed.. oh wait its already in the washing machine.. at least that is being done.. hmmz... i could go on but then i dont want to brag. lolx

I know i know this bad habit has to stop but i cant seem to help it. But the best thing of it all i cant stand mess, dirt and running out of things. lolx.
I wonder if it would be better if i had my own place. would it actually make a difference? hmmz.. *ponders*

*ends pondering* *shrugs*

anyhoo Saturday today. Sure feels like Sunday. Woke up late, cooked spagetti for the folks at home, took a damn long shower, did my laundry, ate, watched tv and now currently killing time on the net.

Oh yea treated the family to Superman Returns a couple of days ago because i'm nice and the fact that the siblings were hounding me on whether we were going to watch it or not. lolx.. Doesnt matter that i have to watch it again but its alright. I dont mind watching Brandon Routh on the big screen again and anyways its not always i can afford to treat the family to a movie =)

Currently life aint going nowhere, the only thing that is a sure thing in my life is the twice a week trips to the firm to clear my intray of work and keep track of the files i'm handling. I wish those places i've sent my resumes to will answer me this coming week or else i'll start panicking. Oh yea and i just remembered that i have to come up with a speech for this year's law investiture due to the fact i'm the outgoing president. Who would have thought? Three years ago at the benches of TP's basketball court during law welcome i had decided to join law inc because i wanted to be part of it, what it stands for, its potential.. If ya told me at that moment that 3 years down the road i would be trying to come up with an outgoing presidential speech, i would have rolled my eyes and said 'rright'.. lolx. Still i wish i could have done more. I wished that the semester wasnt so screwed up and too darn short to do all the things we could have come up with. Ouh and i wished that the school wasnt so stringent with the damn funds and had allocated each diploma interest groups with a portion of the funds instead of giving it all to B S C for them to decide who gets it and have the student interest group go through all those official hoo haas.

I watched the National Geographic documentary on the 7/7 attack on London yesterday. My prayers goes out to all the victims and their loved ones. The attack is sort of a reminder that no matter how safe we think we are, we never really are. I'm utterly repulsed by the actions of these terrorist, claiming to be muslims and doing it for their people, their brothers and sisters. Now what bullshit are they talking about? Islam doesnt teach people to kill others. And i so cant believe that they think by doing what they did they would be rewarded and go to heaven. Omg what a load of crap. Ultimately what they did is called suicide and the aftermath of their actions i think hell would welcome them with open arms.

Which brings me to this another thing. Violence, war, religion prejudice and racism. Things the world can do without but sadly is happening all around us. Power, men crave for it, which is why wars happen. And dont give that lame reason that war is being waged so that peace can happen. That is a load of crap. Look at what happened to Iraq. Anyways let say you can obtain all the power you can in the world, then what? Use that to make use of people, rule the world, etc.. dont you get bored with it after let say a couple of decades down the road? Then when your time comes, you die.. unless of course with all that power you have immortality that comes along with it. But would you really be happy? To sell your soul for power.. hmm.. perhaps it does makes a person happy since it is a common occurance ever since the world came into existance.

Then there is the religion prejudices and racism. And dont tell me it doesnt happen in our country cause i've already had my fair share of being discriminated against. But who gives a damn to the minority right? Because ulitmately we are still the minority? rrigghtt.
Arent we all ultimately still human beings? Why the need to feel superior?
If you take five people of all different races and religions, and let say they happen to be in a burning house and let say they are all burnt beyond recognition. Tell me would they still look different or the same? When that same five people are in another senario and in that scenario they are on a surgeon's table having surgery, does their insides look different? What about blood? Does the blood that run thru my veins a different color from yours? Does the color of my skin makes you more superior? I think its even worse if you discriminate against your own race. (Tho i would have to agree the world can do without those poseurs mats and minahs littering the streets with their "i'm too cool for you" attitudes.) Anyways...

Does a terrorist who claims to be of a certain religion makes all the people in that religion bad? Do you believe a terrorist over a religion which has been around for centuries? Does one bad apple make the whole barrel bad? Why is it when a minority commits a crime the race/religion of that person is reported in the news and not when it is committed by a person of the majority religion/race?

Ouh and don't get me started with academic qualification discrimination. How JCs are better then polys and if you dont have a degree you are nothing etc...

So help me understand this first. The reason for war, racial & religion discrimination.

2006-07-06T12:33:00.000+08:00

A talk with a friend a few days ago reminded me on how i do not want to be involved in a relationship even if those lonely pangs gets irritating. The bottom line is that what's the point? Why go through all the heartaches, pain, doubt, insecurities (which ever applies), torment yourself and then end up broken hearted. Doesnt even matter if you've been in the relationship for a couple hundred of years.

Sure i know there are those moments of sweetness and comfort you feel in a relationship and i know that all that i've mentioned above is very cynical of me. But sometimes a girl has to think of these things to prevent herself from getting hurt ya' know. To tell you the truth, i actually believe in happy endings, true love and all that jazz. Which is why i enjoy romance movies and novels, even tho some of em' makes me feel like puking when i know its so damn far fetched that it wont happen in real life. But somehow its kind of like a form of escape from reality. Makes me forget about all the ugliness for a bit.

So when friends actually come up to me and tell me about their relationship problems and ask me what are they suppose to do, heck i can only give the most positive opinion i can and give that person hope but i'll put a disclaimer beforehand because i for one aint the best person to ask bout' relationship advice only cause mainly, i aint never been in a relationship before but i'll give that listening ear and a shoulder to cry on anytime.

When a person is in doubt with their relationship my advice usually will be based on trust because i believe in trust, but trust has to be earned and not be given lightly, which is why one of my questions usually would be, has your significant other given you any doubts or have done anything to not make you trust him/her? And if the answer is no, then have faith in him/her. But as positively i want to think about the situation and the lil bit of hope i want to give to my friend, at the end of the day when i'm lying in bed at night, things like these are constant reminders why i should be happy being single.

Just look a the divorce rates in Singapore. When i was still at the firm, day in day out i see clients who are going through a divorce with haunted looks on their faces. Battles of custody and matrimonial property. How does two person who had once loved each other so much and promised to love and cherish each other through sickness & in health and till death do them part end up broken? Are vows and promises no longer sacred in this modern world? If it is then what's the point of marriage when it somehow seems to me like just another contract between two people and when they are tired with it, tired of each other, tired of the life they had chosen to make for themselves, they can easily break the contract as if it was nothing?

But then just because you have a problem with your marriage do you run away? find the easiest way out? stray because you feel that you lack something in that relationship? Doesnt a relationship/marriage take work and effort? Unless you live in a fairy tale that is. So when all the problems happening, especially if that marriage involves a child, is the child well being taken into account? Sometimes adults tend to forget and focus only on the problems concerning each other. How they make each other unhappy, how could the person betray his/her trust and stray.. etcetc But do they stop to think how their child will feel in the midst of all those problems? The quarrels, the custody battle, etc...

However i would understand in some cases where an abusive spouse is involved. Then that you should run as far away as possible with the children (if applicable).

So all in all i have no idea what's point of this entry cause i'm drained out and somehow amidst all these criticism and thoughts i would still like to believe that true love still exists and that marriage is more then just a contract between two people.

On another note, France made it to the finals!
So long Portugal its been fun =) gg
i cant believe i'm going to say this but did you hear the sweet sounding of 'boos' at cristiano ronaldo whenever he had the possession of the ball? wahahhaha.. i'm sorry naz, i know you love him aside from iz that is, but i was grinning whenever it happened during the match. Ouh and the agony on his face when his team lost. ishishishish.. lolx

aite then i better get moving if i wanna get some things done in the to-do list in my head.

ciao =)

2006-07-04T14:21:00.000+08:00

i dont even know why i agreed to continue as a part timer at the firm. At moments like yesterday i just wish to strangle him. I'm refering to the boss that is... blearghhh!

you see yesterday, upon his request i came down for the briefing he wanted to give to me, the new part time girl and his permanent secretary on how things are gonna work from this week onwards. I remembered asking him on Friday what time i was the briefing scheduled at, and in reponse to my enquiry and in front of the other secretary he told me to come at 6.30pm. Then yesterday when i reached chinatown point at 6 pm and proceeded to the post office since i figured i was early and had a registered article to do for the office. Then out of the blue i received a message from the boss asking whether i was coming or not. And my intutition told me that the no doubt the message was sent because the boss thinks i'm not going to turn up etc..
I ignored that feeling in my gut and quickly proceeded upstairs to the office. Upon reaching the office, i saw my desk was empty as the computer as expected was already in the boss' room and there were already a pile of files in my intray on the shelf.

So i started looking through my piled up intray and the boss came up and said how he was waiting for me blahblahblah. He showed me how the work routine is going to be like, introduced the new girl, sorted out some admin stuff and it was all done in 10 mins!

bloody hell.

I travelled for an hour, wasted precious travelling money just to go to the office yesterday for a 10mins talk abt what to do when i start coming in today.
Like he couldnt do it when i came in today.. $^*&%^%&*#%

bugger.

and today the permanent secretary told me that the new girl came in early and the boss had the cheeck to say that he didnt know where i was when i was suppose to come! heck i was 15mins early! bloody hell.

Dont you just love a boss who is forgetful and talks behind your back?

*Grumbles to self*

*sidetrack* since i'm grumbling, do you know how irritating Cristiano Ronaldo was during the match between Portugal & England???? Its like he was trying to get everyone from the other team sent off with his nose stuck in other people's business.. seriously. And portugal's play acting was just as bad. bleah. But England's losing was expected. the curse of the penalty shootout. lolx *end of sidetrack*

haiz anyways thank god i met aida this evening. She needed someone to talk to and i wanted to be there for her.

Well my wasted trip on the MRT wasnt such a waste i suppose. It got me thinking and plan out what i'm going to do these few years down the road. I aint getting any younger you know. lolx.
I had thought that all my goals i've ever written down has time lapsed. I never did any real concrete goal setting in poly, only when i was in ITE. Then i realised something, a few years back when i was attending 'Supercamp' we had this goal setting exercise where we had to put one main goal we had on a chopping board (those kind that is used in karate) and what we think will stop us from achieving it at the back and then break that board as a symbol of... er.. i forgot. lolx. Anyways my goal was to get my degree with honours by the year 2010. And guess what 2010 aint here yet! and if i actually continue my studies next year i'll be able to reach that goal!

The thought of having that goal and to actually have a chance in achieving it somehow makes me feel warm inside. I have something to actually look forward to and work towards.

Now the next step is worrying abt the money part. Tuition fees, accomodation, transport, living expenses, etc.. hmmz....
for every problem there is solution.. i know i'll work it out, i'm not sure how right now but i'm going to try =)

ouh and since dee has tagged me and i need some distraction anyways.. here goes....

5 snacks I enjoy
1. Ben & Jerry's Choc Chip Cookie Dough
2. Freshly baked baguette w/ creamy butter
3. Freshly baked garlic bread w/ cream of mushroom soup
4. Chocolate Malted Milkshake
5. Hersheys/Cadbury milk chocolate w/ Almonds

(does pizza count as a snack? if it does add that too! yum pepperoni or curry chicken with extra cheese, light on the onions for the latter.. drools... =P )

5 songs I know the lyrics to
1. All BSB songs
2. Some of Il Divo's songs that i can actually pronounce lolx.. (ouh and i can tell you who is singing which parts, i'm gd at that heehee)
3. Most of Westlife songs
4. Some of NSYNC's songs (fine i'm a boyband junkie. well used to that is with the exception of those aforementioned bands..)
5. To Where You Are - Josh Groban

5 things I would do with 100 million
1. Get into university and not worry of my expenses & tuition fees
2. Get my own bachlorette pad near the ocean with all the latest ehome gadgets
3. Buy my family a bigger home
4. Support all my sibling's school fees & expenses
5. Send my mum off to the haj trip she always wanted

5 places I would run away to
1. Anywhere where i can find the ocean/sea/river
2. the library
3. a cafe
4. any place playing good live music
5. Hawaii, France, Italy, Rome, Ireland; basically anywhere romantic, exotic and full of history

5 things I would never wear
1. spandex
2. bikini
3. revealing outfits
4. tight leather anything
5. itchy uncomfortable fabrics

5 bad habits
1. i'm too nice
2. i bite my fingernails when i'm nervous about something.. sometimes without even me realising it
3. sometimes i say things without thinking; hurt people with my words/ tone of my voice without meaning to
4. When i'm totally engrossed in something, everything around me doesnt exist in that moment
5. i think and over think too damn much

5 biggest joys!
1. Doing something i love
2. Doing something that i know makes a difference in someone else's lives
3. Doing something that brings a smile to the person's face
4. Music, Photography
5. Friends!

5 fictional characters I'd date
1. Clark Kent in Superman Returns (played by Brandon Routh)
2. Mr Darcy in Pride & Prejudice (played by Matthew MacFayden)
3. Chris Perry Halliwell in Charmed (played by Drew Fuller)
4. Pete Monash in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (played by Topher Grace)
5. Ryan Wolfe in CSI: MIAMI (played by Jonathan Togo)

5 unfortunate individuals to do this
1. Tania Tay
2. Nazurah
3. Ifah
4. Rahmat
5. Denise

2006-07-01T13:17:00.000+08:00

so...

yesterday was my last day as a 'full' time employee in the firm. 'full' because i'm coming back doing part time work. only because i'm a coward and too nice. I mean looking at all the files around me i wonder how its gonna be managed when i will only come back twice a week. Well they've been managing even before i came into the picture so i guess they'll find a way.. and anyways my boss did told the other secretary in a 'private' meeting that the files i'm handling are not that much.. rright.. i just want to see him do all the work we've been doing when he's not around. *mumbles to self*

sigh i think, i think too much.

hehz *sheepish grin"

actually i thought yesterday was going to be uneventful. I'll just work as per normal, transfer my folders and files to the other's secretary's computer i'll be using when i come back two nights a week and at the end of the day pack up my stuff and go home. However that morning was seriously my ultimate patience test with a certain client. Some people just need to be given a good strangling for their lack of respect, courtesy and big shot attitude. At the end of that eventful phone call try as i might to be accomodating, nice and sincere, at the end of the phone call i was so angry and i actually felt tears in my eyes. bugger.

so anyways now the BIG question is what am i going to do now?
I have a few plans up my sleeves, nothing concrete but it is still a start =)

well was suppose to have plans today but then it just got scrapped this morning so here i am at home wasting time away. Read all the books me and sis borrowed from the national library and school library respectively so perhaps after i finish watching saturday cartoons i'll drop by the national library to return me books and borrow new ones.

Caught Superman Returns with dee and melly two days back. I would recommend it cause i personally like it, it had its sad moments which i would usually under normal circumstances shed some tears for the characters but i suppose i was too tired, and dee was right saying it made her feel lonely after watching the show, cause i felt the same way too. lolx.
It also doesnt help that the man of steel, played by brandon routh is sizzling hot! lolx.
I love this picture of him...

had it on my desktop in the office for awhile. Looking at the photo just gives me a sense of peace. I dont know why, tho you dont really see the man's face clearly in the shadows but its exactly that. The man in the shadows with the georgeous backdrop behind him. sigh.

lolx.

oh well sometimes a bit of day dreaming gets you thru the day and make you forget abt all your worries in reality for just a bit =)

2006-06-24T18:00:00.000+08:00

Just when i thought i was going to spend the Saturday off doing nothing, with my nose in a good book and some peace, there had to be noise pollution disrupting my almost perfect day. And now i have a headache. oooh if i could scream and ask those people in that huge white tent below to shut that irritating speaker that is spewing god knows what.

I think what i'm going to do in awhile is to get dressed and get far away from the house for awhile and get some fresh air. I wonder where i should go alone on a nice Saturday evening. Anyhoo i need to drop of some prints of mine at the photo shop for my evaluation tomorrow. What evaluation? I'm not gonna jinx it and tell you. Maybe when its all said and done. I'm just gonna say hopefully three times a charm. ;)

Anyways i so looking forward to the little trip that i'll be taking in August and also continuing my studies overseas. About the latter, i know what i wanna do and where i want to go, its just the obvious money and when factor that worries me.

Adulthood is catching up with me and i keep telling myself if i hold my head up i wont drown. Being legal aint all it is cracked up to be. More responsiblities piling on, more headaches and aint it true that money makes the world go round? And i'm struggling to keep up with surviving with the latter.

I think my life seriously needs to go through a total overhaul. I need some excitement, adventure and spice in my life. I wouldnt hurt if i have someone by my side to share everything with and not hold back because of fear of losing, fear of being hurt.

speaking of which i think its high time i start dating or something. Pull myself out from the rut i'm in and start living a little. So Shan Wee you can definitely do me a favour and find me a date with all that jazz. lolx. For the clueless Shan Wee has this 'do me a favour' section on his radio show where he does a favour for his listeners. duh. lolx

I havent been back to the orphanage for quite some time now, and i miss the kids who are still there. Strangely enough every once in a while i still dream about the place, the people and me still living there.

The last time i was there the kids seemed like they've grown up so fast, those who are no longer there are either getting engaged, married or for some have started their own lil' family. And they are all fairly a measly few years older than me and one is even younger than me! wow. I'm happy for them for making the lives they are making for themselves, building for themselves a home and being with people they love.

But i for one cant seem to imagine myself in their shoes. I dont see myself being settled down. I want to do more things, be financially independent, travel the world, meet people, etcetc.. and maybe afterall that, after i've accomplished what i've set out to do, maybe get myself involved in a whirlwind romance and eventually settle down. But then again i dont see that ever happening cause things like that only happen in story books and i seem to have this idea in my head that i'll end up as a spinster, unloved and dying young due to my failing heart. *shrugs*
no point wallowing in self pity right? lolx
i crack myself up sometimes. And i think way to much. oh well. lolx

and you know what. I just realised after a week, that last weekend was father's day. And somehow i felt bad. I mean i shouldnt even feel bad considering dad is gone and all, still. I still get teary eyed when i watch a show on tv or at the movies when a certain scene shows the strong relationship between a father and his daughter, or even when i'm reading a novel that show's that certain relationship. I know its been what almost 9 years? and i still get that pinch in my heart and teary eyed when i think of him. The what ifs. If i was a dissapointment to him and all this time feeling that i have been. just a dissapointment. What life would be like if he was here today. What life would have been, will be.

and out of this 9 years i've only visited his grave once. Only once. Which is like what 7-8 years ago? if that qualifies me as a bad daughter, then yes that i am.

anyways its now abt 6.30pm, if i ever want to get out of the house better do it soon. They now have some lion dance thingy downstairs. omg. the headache.... psh.
aite might as well go down central singapore to the riverside or something and hopefully they have some live music happening there to de stress me abit. lolx

salute!

2006-06-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

2 months in focus - random shots

taking it to the streets.....

post dreamscape 3.0

chilling with the guys - pre NS days

Genting - thrills & frills

summer thirst

graduation
(p.s i'm still waiting for more grad day photos to be passed to me.. naz hinthint)

I seriously need to get myself a new camera and stop depending on other peeps to bring theirs.. hmm....

2006-06-23T10:24:00.000+08:00

A Cool Rainy Friday Morning and i wonder why i'm out of a warm toasty comfortable bed and in the office, cold, hungry, bored, and nursing a throbbing headache.

Work has seriously slowed down because of my impending departure from the firm next week and also because the mess of files when i came in is now in order.

Went out yesterday with my darlings, dee and melly. Been awhile since we've been out together. Caught up on what's happening, did our usual bitching, impromptu phototaking in the streets of orchard and planned for things to come in the near future like out holiday day trip and studying overseas.

Anyways since this throbbing headache is bothering me and i do not want to think about anything in particular so.. "Boredness" at work has resorted me to doing this.. Ripped this off someone' s blog and decided to do this. .so bear with me lolx =P

7 Random Things About Me
1) I'm a chocoholic
2) I suffer slowly and painfully when i'm chained to a desk job of routine work
3) A good book always let me forget about reality just for that moment
4) When something is worrying me i'll take a very long walk
5) I have a long standing far fetched dream of making a living out of travelling the world and taking photographs of my travels
6) I'm a very accommodating person
7) I enjoy making people happy

7 Things That Scare Me
1) extremely crowded places
2) losing myself
3) the unknown
4) having to go for any sort of surgery in the future
5) ending up as a spinster
6) losing the people i love
7) not being able to pursue doing what i love

7 Random Music At The Moment
1) "Amazing" - Westlife
2) "Here With Me" - Dido
3) "How Did I Fall In Love With You" - Backstreet Boys
4) "Collide" - Howie Day
5) "You" - Switchfoot
6) "All'improvviso Amore" - Josh Groban
7) "Time of Our Lives" - IL DIVO feat. Toni Braxton

7 Things I Like Most
1) The Rain (When i 'm indoors)
2) Indian Summer Breeze (Lovely time to take a walk)
3) Photography
4) Live Music (no out of pitch/ loud punk rock noise please)
5) My Height
6) Nice Surprises
7) Achieving whatever it is i set out to do

7 Things I Often Say
1) "Hello!"
2) "Hmph.. Rubbish"
3) "Rrrightt.."
4) "What the...."
5) "okay"
6) "fine"
7) "i'm hungry"

somebody pls talk to me on msn before i die of boredom......... sigh.....

2006-06-21T12:47:00.000+08:00

Alrighty then.

First time in weeks I have not much to do. Maybe its because I'm leaving at the end of the month.

Yes you read correctly, I'm leaving my job at the end of the month. Surprisingly so my boss is really nice about it.

You see after almost a month of working full time in a law firm, I realize I'm not cut out for law. The routine, the working hours, the pressure and the mind numbing factor just makes me feel 'blah'. I do not think i can continue the constant 3am jolts and all that jazz. I didnt really told my boss that i wanted to resign right out. I didnt care about the pay that i will lose earning but more on my sanity. During the weekend i stewed and worried and couldnt stop thinking what is the best thing i could do with my situation.

So bright and early on Monday morning, when i had the night before made up my mind to resign, i arrived in the office the earliest i have ever been and found out to my surprise that my boss had actually came back on Sunday (i think) and installed a shelf for me, there was even a note with a smiley face to me to mind my head so i would not accidently knock my head on the shelf when i decide to stand up. And damn did i feel guilty about even wanting to tell him i wanted to resign.

When he came in later close to noon, i didnt have the courage to let him know what was on my mind, so i decided, maybe later when i have gathered enough courage. A few minutes later, he came to my desk to give me back the files that i had left on his desk to sign, and then he suddenly asked me, "are you ok?" and to my horror i started to cry. omg. i was thinking "shit what the hell am i doing????" lolx

anyways the boss told me to come into the office cause he was obviously shocked when he saw tears streaming down my face. In his office he asked me again what was wrong and i told him. I told him how law didnt suit me, how i miss having passion in doing something, my reasoning behind how lack of passion is disastrous for me and the mistake i had made the previous week and how dissapointed i am with myself.. well that was the gist of it i suppose.

And all the while i was speaking, he was looking at me in amusement. ish.
But all in all he told me he actually understood. He assured me of some things that i was so worried about and he was nice about it when i hinted to him that i wanted to resign. He told me to give the job another try, finish up my probation period and help him clear his backlog and when i leave i'll leave on a good note and he wiill have no problems recommending me to other jobs that i might be interested in.

Relief washed over me like you would never believe it. lolx.

Then yesterday he called me into his office again. He told me about how miserable i looked the day before and he was thinking about it. He thought how unfair it was for him to ask me to stay longer when clearly i was miserable and that it would be difficult for him to actually teach me new things knowing that i'll be leaving soon. So he said that he'll confirm with me in a few days and that i could leave at the end of the month.

yupyup.

So i'm now on the prowl for interesting new jobs. I'm not fussy about the pay as long as i enjoy what i'm doing. Then applying for University for next year's intake will be my next priority and planning out the estimate expenses i would be spending in college and how and where should i get a study loan. and i'm definitely NOT be taking up law. I've already kind of decided what i want to do but i'm still researching where is the best place to go. =)

On to other things..

DREAMSCAPE 3.0

Dramatec's major production this year. Directed by three of the most talented people i know, Dee (Nadira), Shahdon & Shikin.

This year's production was a device play and something that to my knowledge DT has never done before. Throughout the process, even though i'm not part of any of the planning and execution process, i knew there were alot of ups and downs, doubts and frustrations. But the play pulled through as i knew it would.

The play was brilliant and the actors were fantastic. They challenged themselves and became their characters.

Sir Richard Thomas Snr and Jnr were my favourite characters. Not because i'm bias, because i believed the characters they were playing. They made me feel what they were feeling. Even though the story needs some tweaking in some areas but the characters made it work. Two of the most potential actors that will go far, Yazid and Mel, if only they believed more in themselves and continue doing what they do best, acting.

The supporting cast who stole the show, Mak Bedah a.k.a Dee (Nadira). Lolx

You should have heard the applause when she left the stage. *grinz

Overall its the best DT major production i've been to. I hope this is a step up for DT and that it will continue to grow =)

2006-06-17T14:34:00.000+08:00

I'm at work right now
A lovely Saturday afternoon and i'm at work
Reason being firstly, i felt like i had work that i have to finish and secondly i wanted to see my boss, hoping he would be around. Why? Cause i made a mega huge mistake and i need tell him before he finds out himself, blows his top and whatever else he can throw at me.

The only reason i did not tell him yesterday was because i only found out about my oversight and mistake i did when he had left for the day. I kept praying that perhaps my eyes was playing tricks on me, but alas i am as they put it 'screwed'.

I was so scared when i found out about the mistake that i felt like crying. But honesty is the best policy right? I know somehow it seems better standing infront of a firing squad awaiting my doom but to the boss i shall go and tell him my mistake.

In doing so i'll either 1) get a mega huge scolding 2) i'll get fired and get that mega huge scolding.

Ouh and incase you're wondering my boss is not in the office. Apparently i missed him cause i think he came in early in the morning and left some work for me to do on my desk.

So i have to wait till Monday for Judgement day. yayness.

I so want to get this over and done with cause i dont think my heart and mind cant take this any longer than it should. I cant stop thinking about this and how i am so stupid enough to make such a mistake. I'm truly dissapointed with myself no matter how many times my friends keep telling me its all going to turn out ok. Can you believe it i even dreamt about this situation last night!?

argh this job is going to be the death of me. The frequent 3am jolts from slumber every night. I wonder why did i ever go back on my word to myself that i'll never work in a law firm?

oh yea.. i needed the money. And broke people cant be choosy.

But funnily enough, looking at the bright side of things, this incident is teaching me about responsiblities. Owning up to ones' mistake. Hopefully this will make me a stronger person inside and not the kind of person who feels like crying everytime something bad happens.

Some days i sometimes feel like quiting, but i keep telling myself i'm not a quitter. The job simply drains me. My boss 'kanchong'-ness, the way he stresses me to perform above average.. its making me feel stress, and constanly makes me feel inadequate.

I know i'm better than this. The thing is, what is missing from this job is passion. I do not possess passion in doing what i do at work everyday. My mum used to say that without passion even how careful you are in your work there are bound to be the smallest mistake that you will miss.

I'm starting to think she is right.

I dont like doing what i do now.
I want and need to do something i enjoy. Something i look forward to everyday and not be bothered when i have to stay on late just to get that work done.

I miss having passion for something. I miss doing something because i enjoy it. Life without passion is like not living at all.

so what do i do now?

I still need to find what i want out of life.

Maybe i've already found what i have passion for, what i wont mind doing for the rest of my life but only to let it pass me by because of my insecurities, inadequacies in various aspects of myself. And maybe i have yet to find what i'm looking for.

More than ever right now, i miss school. I miss my friends, i miss the carefree days when no matter how bad a situation i'll be in, i know i have support from my friends who will be there and the strength it gives me to overcome anything.

to my friends who posted. Thank you for your encouragement.
I miss you guys a damn lot. =)

2006-06-14T11:03:00.000+08:00

WEDNESDAY 0910HRS

It has been 3 weeks and 3 days since I’ve started working at this firm and I’m seriously tired. Not that I’m really complaining about the work since i learn things fast and there’s still things that needs some getting used to. But sometimes I wonder what in the world I’ve gotten myself into?? Everyday I work beyond office hours and most of the time I’m the one who locks up the office at night. (and no there’s no such thing as overtime pay..) I try my best to be conscientious and not make stupid mistakes but heck I’m human. But I’m starting to think my boss thinks I’m a robot. His expectation of me is killing me little by little each day. Nowadays I keep second guessing myself, check my work thrice and sometimes after a long day in the office and finally falling asleep usually after midnight, I’m jolt awake at 3am in the morning thinking I’m either 1) late for work 2) forgot to do something in the office 3) I made a mistake in one of my work and I’m gonna get scolded the next day at work for overlooking something so simple.

And as hard as I work slaving away in the office, my boss still expects more.
I even get subtle hints that I should come down to the office on weekends to do work. I wouldn’t even be surprised if my boss still isn’t happy if I actually died at my workstation of exhaustion.

I’ve been at my breaking points so many times and reeled in my emotions accordingly that my system is going into overdrive. I feel like I’ve worked for 3 years instead of 3 months without a break.

I don’t like this expectation my boss has towards me.
If he wants a robot he should have built one instead of hiring me.

Work doesn’t seem all as it is cut out to be but then that’s the reality of it isn’t it? I suppose I just got to suck it up, take all the blows that is thrown my way and move forward. Hopefully it will make me stronger. I’m still counting the days when I can go back to studying. But for now I need the money to support myself and my family. Even if the job has a lack of benefits.

Well today I’m taking a half day off work. The only reason it’s half day because when I started to ask for leave my boss gave me this “you’ve got to be kidding” look before I assured him I’ll be in the office in the morning.

The reason I’m taking half day off is because I have two appointments at the hospital. Physiotherapy at 1pm and an injection to my spine at 3pm.

And the latter sounds damn scary.

If I’m not mistaken and have not misheard the doctor, I’m having a facet injection to my lower back. And seriously I’m scared. Mostly the pain I’ll be experiencing when the needle is inserted into my back.
And with this fear I have fresh in my mind of what is going to happen this afternoon, I find two files on my desk with the words ‘disappointing’ on the front, just because I got the month of a letter I typed wrong. I know its my fault due to an oversight on my part for not noticing that the month was wrong, but still. Even the breakfast I bought now is lying underneath my desk because I lost my appetite, even tho I have not eaten dinner yesterday. I just love the scoldings I get early in the morning. Best way to start a day I guess. And I bet when the boss gets in, which i think might be as soon as I’m done with this entry, I’m gonna get one of his lovely shoutings at me for being careless and that he had expected much more from me blahblahblah.

Sure sometimes I just feel like saying something back to my boss or some sort of defending myself and try to make him understand my position, but I’m scared that this façade that everything is ok and that I’m strong enough to deal with whatever is thrown at me will break and It scares me that I’ll end up breaking down in front of him. *shudders* I cannot allow myself to breakdown again. I just cant. Furthermore I’m not really the kind of person who voices out problems to the actual problem. Lolx.

On the lighter side of life, I’m beginning to think my boss resembles ‘The Beast’ from X-Men III. Just because their facial expression are similar. It actually came to mind when I was queuing up at the post office buying stamps and they were showing repeats of the X-Men III trailer. Lolx.

And dee I miss you. Lunch is a bore and I tend to either eat at Macs or takeaway and eat in the office which equals to more work. Anyhoo all the best for Dreamscape!

1050hrs

The boss has not stepped in yet.

I now have a headache especially the spot between my eyes and my eyes are so tired that its actually half closed as I’m typing this down.

My facet injection is in 4 hours and 10 mins and of that 2 hours before the jab I cannot consume food and I have not eaten since lunch yesterday, and my breakfast is already cold under my desk.

I swear I’m losing weight since I started this job. Like I need to get any thinner. Bleargh.

Anyways I need to de-stress, and me friends we need to go out cos If not the walls of the office and of my home is the only things I’ll see for the rest of my working life.

Naz, Candy, Marcus, Lingna, Yolie, the guys who are not in NS yet, if you guys are reading this.. Are you guys free on Sat? Tania’s off on Sat so we can go out and catch a movie or something. Please let me know okie doks.

2006-06-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

Random Reflections

I was sitting at the bus stop in town this afternoon when this thought crept to my mind. My whole life i kept trying to be normal. For every little thing that people found different about me, i was constantly being laughed at. Too thin, too lanky, too tall, I walk different, talk different, act different and things i thought looked good or i thought was perfectly normal was being pointed at as being strange/wierd. Honestly i became a totally different person. I stopped being loud and carefree. I became withdrawn and quiet. Whatever potential i seemed to had died with me when the laughter became unbearable.

As i grew older nothing much really changed cept for my constant observation of my surroundings and thinking how i could blend in instead of people staring at me and looking me up and down which is downright uncomfortable.

Now? Well i've begun to accept that being different aint all that bad. Be more appreciative with what god gave me and learn to cope/live with my flaws. So what if the person next to me is preetier/smarter/more beautiful/talented/luckier in everything as compared to me?
So now and then i might get a teenyweeny jealous but doesnt everybody? lolx. but i've learned to love myself and that is what matters. =)

I dont know why i continue to read romance & romance-thriller/mystery novels when at the end of reading every single novel that i pick up, i'll end up rolling my eyes and tell myself its all pure BS. geez.
That kind of love you read in books are not real. or maybe it is cept that i've never encountered it before *shrugs* but for now i'll label it as pure BS. I'll let you know when i change my mind.
but i still pick up those books to read just for the hell of it. (FYI - i'm not talking abt those paperback novels with those half naked photos of two people on the covers; the kind that daph reads during lectures lolx)
Perhaps there's a side of me that secretly hope that that kind of love does exist in this world and it might someday happen to me. But there is still that sarcastic side of me that knows that it just doesnt exist. Just take a look at the increasing divorce rates. tsk.

Anyways tomorrow will be the start of week two of work. So far week one has been eye opening and my brain is currently saturated with procedures and things that need to be done. But i can say that work so far has been good. My colleagues has somewhat made work tolerable with their constant office gossip even tho the office IS small. tsk when one is away on leave the gossip on the person starts. tsktsk. lolx

My work cubicle is horribly small but i've learnt to tolerate it. It needs a personal touch of me here and there but i guess i'll only start to do that when i feel things are becoming permanent. Tomorrow a new girl is coming in and goodbye to the extra space i've been using.

The past few days have been filet o fish lunches and going home late even tho there is no overtime pay. Filet o fish lunches just becos its the easiest thing i can grab and feel comfortable eating alone at the moment. Going home late, only becos i have no other place to go except to go home at the end of the day. So i usually prolong my hours just to kill time and catch up on work. What's the use in going home early when there's nothing to look forward to when one reaches home except to go to bed?

Graduation on thursday!!!! ouuh i cant wait! booyah!
I cant wait to see all the faces i've missed seeing since school ended. sighsighsigh
I still have not decided what to wear but i am so not wearing court shoes. Why start wearing now when i've never owned one in the first place. rules shmules. If they dont let me get my diploma on that day i can always get it another day. All i'm looking forward to is seeing all the ol faces i havent been seeing, catching up and dinner witht the usual peeps before some of the guys go to tekong the next day.

ouh and before i end off my entry, wishing all the best to the new law inc exco 06/07. Tho i'm not sure what has been goin on but i read that there had been a reshuffle of numbers in the number of people in different years which i think is for the best.
I know you guys will do a splendid job for this academic year seeing that the school calender is now back to normal. Best wishes and dont be a stranger if you need any help aite =)

aite i'm replying to my tags:

sash - love you too gerl! *hugs*

nadz- heyhey! *waves back* long time no hear too! how you've been? i've just started working and so far so good but its so much different to when i was at drew lolx.

K - thanks for the reccomendation babe =)

deedee- ouh somebody starting work tomorrow! heehee of course i'll see you then!

mx - i'm sure mx, i have no doubt you can consume all that under a few minutes lolx

2006-05-31T00:35:00.000+08:00

bonjour darlings

work update

end of my second day of work and i'm dead beat but work ain't all that bad actually only that all the backlog and things to learn in the expected short period of time is kinda fast for my brain to saturate everything at the pace i'm being set at.

The file management seriously needs a LOT of work and i forsee it being a potential headache. And i cant believe my computer is the ONLY one which is using the 'Microsoft Works' software! Can i just say that the software seriously sucks ass.... bleargh. It is seriously screwed up. Today alone i wasted the whole morning trying to print two WOS and ended up printing it on someone else's computer, and to add to that at the end of the day i cant even open any document using that software. grr.. I am patiently awaiting for the arrival of the latest Microsoft Office software that my boss has promised to buy to install on my computer so i can decently get work done faster than my current speed on WordPad. tsk.

Lunchtime is a bore. I dont know anyone and all i do is go to McDonalds and eat alone in a corner. The only reason i'm only at McDonalds is because i dont have time to explore my surrounding area even thou the office is IN Chinatown Point. ish. I'm already starting to get sick of MaCs. bah.
So if any of you happen to be around Chinatown, ring me up and we can have lunch together. At least i know i'm not living in some alternate universe where lunch time is a bore.

The boss keeps repeating to me that he has very high expectations of me just because i'm a TP diploma holder blahblahblah and he expects me to learn everything like that*snap fingers*... andd he actually forsees me learning everything within a month! omg the pressure.............................

I know i can do this. But i dont like high expectations being put on me cause the pressure can be so suffocating and i tend to keep second guessing myself which is not good.

aite before i rattle on and on about work its already close to 1am and i need to sleep or i'll be dead on my feet tomorrow.

bonne nuit!

2006-05-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

If you didnt watch American Idol 5's season finale
here's one of my favourite moments
its cute and funny at the same time
and clay aiken is wayy hotter than the last time i saw him! =)

2006-05-27T18:50:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder about things
but then the more i think about it the more i realise that why should i bother cause rather than mull over some things, they are better off left alone. I've so much other things to be contented with and i dont need constant 'poison' to bring me down.

anyhoo i'm missing the gang already even tho the last time most of us saw each other was on Tuesday

Genting photos not uploaded yettttttttttttttt! *sigh*
My internet server is slow due to my brother's constant viewing of anime on youtube everyday. So its very hard for me to send out photos to the rest and uplooad the photos on my account. And i cant believe my bro keeps closing the window when i'm still uploading the albums to be sent out!!! He complains that it is making his anime uploading slow!!! bleargh.

I need to get my own computer.

------------------

COOKIE MONSTER
SEARCHES DEEP WITHIN
HIMSELF AND ASKS: IS ME
REALLY MONSTER?

BY ANDY F. BRYAN

- - - -

Me know. Me have problem.

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn't normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

Me was thinking and me just don't get it. Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street. Well, no one who isn't really monster. Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster. Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?

Me thinks me have serious problem. Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster? It affliction. It disease. It burden. But does it make me monster?

How can they be so callous? Me know there something wrong with me, but who in Sesame Street doesn't suffer from mental disease or psychological disorder? They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood. No one calls Grover monster, despite frequent delusional episodes and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. And the obnoxious red Grover—oh, what his name?—Elmo! Yes, Elmo live all day in imaginary world and no one call him monster. No, they think he cute. And Big Bird! Don't get me started on Big Bird! He unnaturally gigantic talking canary! How is that not monster? Snuffleupagus not supposed to exist—woolly mammoths extinct. His very existence monstrous. Me least like monster. Me maybe have unhealthy obsession, but me no monster.

No. Me wrong. Me too hard on self. Me no have unhealthy obsession. Me love cookies, but it no hurt anyone. Me just enthusiast. Everyone has something they like most, something they get excited about. Why not me? Me perfectly normal. Me like cookies. So what? Cookies delicious. Cookies do not make one monster. Everyone loves cookies.

Me no monster. Me OK guy. Me OK guy who eat cookies.

Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies. Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow. Me can't swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea. Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.

Me no eat cookies.

Me destroy cookies.

Me crush cookies.

Me mutilate cookies.

Me make it so no one get cookies.

Everyone right. Me really is cookie monster.

2006-05-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

Today i realise something...
when you think everything is going smoothly and nothing will go wrong
dont
cause eventually something will just bloody come up and make you swear like there's no tomorrow

but then retail therapy always helps at the end of the day. *grinz*

anyhoo x-menIII is outt!
awesome stuff cant wait to watch it with the gang

2006-05-25T14:16:00.000+08:00

my life which has been in limbo for these past weeks is beginning to fall into place.
I'm now out of the unemployed category and moving on to officially being employed. Work starts on Monday and considering its gonna be interesting. Tho i'm not gonna blog much about work here since rumor has it that my boss goes around reading other people's blog. lol.

I'm postponing my further studies plans until i feel the time is right. I dont think right now is the best time to further my studies yet coz i feel that its damn high time i take responsiblity with regards to my family's financial matters and considering that my sis would be going overseas to further her studies once she graduates from poly next year.

Anyways Genting was fun. Photos will be uploaded and posted as soon i can get my hands on my brother's computer since my photo folder is in there.

I cant stop thinking of actually starting work. Yes i'm excited but kind of nervous at the same time. What if i don't live up to expectations? Considering my inexperience in a small firm, heck it seriously feels totally different as compared to a big firm like drew.
Speaking of which, i need to buy some office wear. I realised that i really need some new clothes when i couldnt find anything proper to wear for the last minute interview yesterday.

If you're wondering what last minute interview? Well the story is, i did not have roaming when i went off to genting, so upon reaching Singapore and getting a network on me phone, i received two sms' from a lawyer who got my resume from another lawyer in another firm. (I never knew lawyers passed around resumes... ) So i then called him the next day (yesterday) and he requested for me to come down for an interview the same day at 6pm (the time of the call was at 3pm) . Which was why i was frantically rummaging through my 'wardrobe' for something proper to wear.

And yesterday was also the first time i ever stepped foot in Chinatown. lolx.
Yup the firm is in Chinatown Square. So if you're around the area we could meet up for lunch/dinner =)

Even though i noticed that the other secretaries and staff were wearing casual wear, I dont think me being new and all should dress that casual and i wont feel comfortable considering that it is a law firm.

In reality tv news, Taylor Hicks won AI5! *round of applause*
Even though i find the constant shouting of 'Soul Patrol' irritating, i gotta admit he is actually a better performer than Kat, even tho i like her too =)
I actually prefered his rendition of his new song 'Do i make you proud' better than Kat's 'destiny' song.

I know Survivor:Panama has ended for quite some time now but i cant help but think Aras looks way better on the island as compared to when he gained weight and shaved in the reunion episode.

And with regards to the hippies winning the Amazing Race, well there's alot of to learn from them. Aside from the tremendous amount of luck they had, their whole attitude towards the game and their onlook of life is something to actually learn from i think =)

Aite gotta go off now
got an appointment in town in awhile
will update on genting as soon i have my photos uploaded
salute

2006-05-14T02:46:00.000+08:00

Ooh Weee..

this site has been viewed 20.000 times
wow.
people actually read/browse/visit this place
*twirls around*

anyhoo Mother's Day today
Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers around the world!!

I think mother's are one of the strongest and inspiring bunch of people around.
andd my blog background music, i believe the lyrics is appropriately a tribute to me mum...
tho i may not tell her so cause we dont communicate as much as we should.
She's so strong and has been sacrificing a lot for me and my siblings and we owe her so damn much but me being me, i have no idea where to even begin in repaying whatever she has done for us cause nothing i'll ever do will even make up for everything she has done.

Mum aint even home today. She's in JB with the two younger kids cause they have some sort of motivation course. Didnt buy mum any mother's day gift cause firstly i'm broke, secondly nothing i ever bought her ever showed that she likes it cause everytime i give her a present for whatever occasion it is (i.e birthday) she usually chucks it to one side... and thirdly nothing i buy is ever gonna show how much i love her.
So what i did was wash the dirty dishes in the sink which was piling up. Not much i know but at least its something cause i dont usually do the piled up dishes (only the ones i use) cause it strains my back when hunching for whatever time it takes to clear all the dishes with the sink counter being very low and it makes my hand itch. I know i know i'm giving pathethic excuses, so sue me.

Anyways i dont know if i'm being paranoid but sometimes i feel underappreciated or in another sense simply put, just being used. Maybe its my paranoia but then time and time again my intuition has always been on the dot so i dont know what to think. Then i realise why the fuck should i antaganoize myself with people who doesnt give a damn about me the way i do about them? Why bring myself down when i am the only one who can choose whether or not i want to be down for this sort of people and when i know i do have friends who are there for me no matter what. Makes me think of what Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Remember, No on can make you feel inferior without your consent".

I wonder... why women can't seem to get along when they for example first meet and turn into absolute bitches when they think they have competition but it is so easy for men to bond and establish a brotherhood and help one another?

2006-05-13T02:42:00.000+08:00

Things to drool over
in our materialistic world
a.k.a
Things i cant afford to splurge on =P
(Birthday & Xmas Wishlist *hinthint*)

(T-minus 6 months & 10 days to moi's birthday)
(T-minus 7 months & 12 days to Xmas)

Nike Merge - Transit

Canon Ixus 65

Samsung D820

Creative Zen Vision

2006-05-13T01:43:00.000+08:00

Random Thoughts

1- Travelling from one end of Singapore to the other for two days back to back is not my ideal idea of killing idle time even if it is necessary to do so...

2- CT scans makes one sleepy, especially when one only got an hour's worth of sleep the night before.

3- The season i'm dreading most is looming close, Summer, just because its Singapore and i don't have the comfort of an air conditioner at home.

4- Some people just cant seem to help themselves but think that the world revolves around them and only what they say is right. Someone please burst their bubble and splash a bucket full of reality at them. tsk. but then again they may just be insecure peepsqueaks, so why bother? *shrugs*

5- Some people should just stop being hung up on certain things in the past and just move on.

6- What was the point of Singaporeans overseas being able to vote when their votes were only counted 4 days after the General Elections?

7- Congratulations to Ms Sylvia Lim (My former Crim law tutor) for being selected for the slot of NCMP.

8- I cant wait for next Friday to come! and i have yet to think of what to bring. (...a road trip we will go a road trip will we go heyhoamerryo a road trip we will go...lalalala...)

9- I'm in need of a caffine fix soon, i cant even remember the last time i had a cuppa. Starbucks has this new java chip drink that i want to try, i think its the replacement of rhumba! whee..

10- The 2006 Official World Cup Song aint that bad. Featuring Il Divo and Toni Braxton. To have a listen click the you tube link below.

2006-05-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

well my langkawi plans is officially a bust
the brightside of it all, we are now going to Genting next weekend.
Disheartened as i am to not be able to laze around on the beautiful beaches of Langkawi
at least i'll be with some of my closet friends on a hilltop. lol.

The internet connection at home has been down for almost a week now and finally (thank god) my internet service provider technician came down today to hook us up with a new modem and fix the problem. The idea of not having any form of internet connection for almost a week was pure torture. I kept sitting alone on my bed past midnight thinking "now what?". *shudders*

I realise i'm an internet addict, if there's such a thing. lol. Even if i dont even play online games like some people do everyday, blog about my mundane life or thoughts everyday or even have any good reason to go online, i would have a peace of mind knowing that i can easily connect to the internet and be connected to the world.

Isnt it funny how technology can nowadays affect your life?

2006-05-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

Today's Random Observations & Reflections

1 - Rain shelters should not be called rain shelters when there is a gap in the middle of nowhere and people still get drenched. *rolls eyes*

2 - Minutes before one wants to step out of the house, the weather outside the window will look damn hot and blazing. The next thing you know as you are waiting for the bus at the bus stop the sky threatens to open up with heavy downpour.

3 - During one of the election updates on Channel 5 yesterday - the Secretary General of the WP with regards to the JG issue actually said " the PAP is making a molehill out of a mountain" instead of vice versa. I nearly choked on the chips i was eating and couldnt stop laughing... I'm not kidding. My sis heard it too. Or we could both be wrong =P

4 - People who keep commenting that other people other then themselves are ugly or berate other people for seeing certain issues their own personal way should take a look at themselves in the mirror because ultimately every single person is the same.

5 - In today's NewPaper, A kid from the orphanage i was once from got punched in the face and was hospitalized for a week. I just knew something like this was one day going to be reported. Things that happen behind close doors...

6 - A koala with an english accent is funny.

7 - Not all handsome men and stud muffins are ~~gay~~ straight.

8 - I need more sleep and exercise

9 - Even in denial, I am still in love with my first love, Nicholas Gene Carter, no matter how fat people say he looks now hmpz... *winkz* lolx

10 - I love my friends. *hugs*

2006-05-01T04:00:00.000+08:00

Don't you think that Jason Mraz looks like Paul McCartey when he was younger??

2006-04-30T17:58:00.000+08:00

However fun it sounds like to plan a trip,
it certainly a downer to know all your planning and research is coming out to nothing when people you are doing it for just are not as excited as you are and might not even go.
But that's life isn't it? you win some you lose some.

Was watching Third Watch this afternoon and there was this officer who decided she will keep her baby even if she had to raise her up all on her own. Just as she decided that, i knew she was going to lose the baby. Just a gut feeling i had. And true enough, lo and behold, she did lose her baby when she was shot in her line of duty.
I know its just televison and all that but something made me realise that how screwed up my thoughts are on this, life is just exactly like that.
You make a decision, you are convicted to it and then before you know it everything gets messed up and you see what you've work hard for or want so much being thrown in the wind.

unless of course you are one of the lucky beings that everything you want falls nicely on your lap even if you never put any effort into it.
some people are just lucky bastards.

oh well but what can you do when lady luck or fate has something against you?
You move on, hope for the best, adapt to changes that is thrown your way and make the best out of what you can because ultimately you are where you are for one reason or another and even if you don't see the reason why get yourself down when your life is how you make out of it =)

There is this saying from E.M. Forster that: -

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Somehow life is kinda like love. For instance you fall hopelessly in love with someone, you think that you're going to spend the rest of your life with him/her and that person can do no wrong. And yes you do have your happy days, precious memories and then whambamthankyoumam' your relationship is in pieces. You're still reeling from the aftermath, you are in denial and thinking your perfect partner is just not themselves and it was some evil force possessing their minds.

You begin to think why some people have better luck in love than you... But when all the dust has settled what do you do then? Mop around your apartment, getting drunk and thinking of killing yourself cause life is nothing without that 'perfect' person? Wallow in self pity? What good would it do for you?

Just like life, you choose how you want to pick yourself up and make the best out of the situation.

I know i may sound ridiculous to some and I dont need you to agree with me but thats how i view it as. =)

2006-04-26T02:33:00.000+08:00

The end of April is near and the General Elections are here.
New blogskin just because i was getting bored with the one i had.
too lazy to do a new one from scratch and my back still doesnt allow me to sit for long periods of time in front of my bro's comp which is the only one with photoshop so the skin you see here is courtesy of blogskins.

For your reading pleasure i shall update you with the happenings of my life, which i have admit to you ladies and gents that it aint that much cause my life aint as exciting as a rock star. lolx.
My weekly routine is nowadays going to and from NUH all the way on the west side of the island, i live in the east by the way for those not in the know. Other than that my days consists of the bed, the tv, the computer, the internet, library books, food and anticipation on when i'm going to meet my friends next before i die of boredom at home.

I have yet to find a job because apart from the weekly physiotheraphy that i have to attend, i'm waiting to find out the final results from my doctor and if there is anything that can be done to relive the daily pain in my back so i can function as per normal and not having to worry of the kink in my back the whole day.

Since i have a lot of idle time in my hands, i have been thinking and i've come to a conclusion that i'm a coward. I know I know its not the kind of things people admit to. Coward in the sense that i tend to push people away when there's a possible hint that they would get close to me.

In simpler terms, i'm afraid of the possiblity of getting into a potential relationship where love is involved. I'm afraid of getting hurt. So why risk the possiblity of getting hurt when you can simply avoid that messy situation? yes simply put i'm a coward. I'm brave enough to face whatever that is thrown at me but i'm a coward when it comes to relationships. Which is why it aint surprising that i've remained single all this while.

The thing is, if a friend can hurt you like an a arrow through the heart and stomp on it like it is nothing, then wouldnt someone you are in a relationship with and eventually fall in love with can hurt you 10 times more?

Although having a relationship may have it perks, being single aint that bad. Only that the down side of it is that you get too independent for your own good that you tend to push people away without realising it.

Is this one area of my life i should work on?
I donno
but looking at my track record of losing the people i love and care about
why let myself get hurt over and over again?
it sometimes feel that it just aint worth it.

Anyways the General Elections are here
Its kind of exciting when you know what's going on
the perks of being a law student, you actually understand better what is going on.
There would most propbably be a contest in the GRC i live in.
If there is then it will be the first time i get to vote!
We'll see what happens on Thursday.

Meanwhile i'm planning a trip to go away for awhile before i change my gear and work towards where i want to go. I'm not really sure yet the exact path i'm going to take but i know i'll get to where i'm suppose to be in due time. This trip i'm planning for is just to get away from modern society for awhile, throw away baggage that i no longer need in my life, rediscover my passion, my goals, and start afresh.
It is of course a budget trip, nothing fancy, only what i can afford with no income. lolx.

aite its getting late and i have chores to see to tomorrow
salute!

oh yea btw before i forget
i know its 3 days late, better late than never...

Happy 22nd Birthday to Apri!
wow 22 somehow sounds old
i shouldn't comment so much since i'm turning the same age in 7 months time lolx.
anyways apri all the best in your future endeavours
best wishes and god bless =)

2006-04-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

sigh just when i thought frequent visits to the hospital days are over...

for the next few weeks say hello to:

-physiotheraphy (do you)
-CT scans (know how much)
-X-rays (all of this)
-injection to the joint in my spine (will cost???)
-increase in medical bills (*faints*)

yayness
my life cant get any better than this
now how am i suppose to get a permanent job? no employer would want me for taking leave every week. sigh..

at this moment i wish that i never had that surgery in the first place, and that my spine wasnt giving me problems to being with and that years later that stupid ball didnt hit my back and start a chain reaction. but what to do right? what's done is done.
no worries no worries
things happen for a reason
all i know is that i will get through this
even if i have to bear with the pain for the rest of my natural life
afterall what does not kill me makes me stronger
hehe... =)

2006-04-03T03:47:00.000+08:00

A few months back a few friends of mine and including myself were discussing about the speculation that Chief Justice Yong Pung How, the longest serving CJ in the world, was going to retire when his term was up but when the time came never did to the dissapointment, we reckon, of some lawyers. Then a few months later after that fateful conversation, lo and behold, this weekend it was published in the newspapers that CJ Yong will be stepping down on April 10 and Attorney General Chan Sek Keong wil be taking over.

Not being disrespectful of the CJ, I swear i heard some silent cheering going around the legal community. i'm joking =P

Anyways CJ Yong is known to be very strict, shrewd and a no nonsense kind of person. What i distictly remember about the CJ is how he increased the jail sentence of a man who appealed on a conviction of assult from 6 years to 10 years.

Some quotable quotes from our dear CJ: -

'I am not here for sympathy's sake. I am here sometimes to be as unsympathetic and cruel as possible.' This was recently expressed in 2004 during the appeal of the two RSS Courageous officers convicted of negligence.

Other recent gems include "You are mad or almost mad. I am not in a position to help, I am very sorry. I have never heard so much nonsense" during the appeal by a conman.

"There are countries where you can go and suck away for all you are worth" but not here, during the appeal of a former policeman who had oral sex with an underaged but sexually active girl.

Other comments on sex crimes-related appeals are his decision to imprison a child kidnapper-molestor "Until he is 79 years old with a probably reduced libido".

In another 2002 case, when a man convicted for sex crimes remorsefully promised, "I assure Your Honour this will be my last offence," CJ Yong replied: "Well, I will help you. I will make sure you will not commit any more offences" by throwing him in prison for a fairly long time, "I will die in prison", in agreement CJ Yong replied, "I am sure you will. I can't do anything about it".

Yes our CJ can be amusing =)

As cold or amusing (take your pick) as he might sound, CJ Yong received the country's highest National Day Honour, Order of Temaek, for his outstanding contributions in reforming and strengthening the Singapore Justice System. Apart from that he had been instrumental in the dramatic transformation of the Subordinate Courts which have been rated world class and recommended by the World Bank as a model for modernisation for judiciaries of developing and developed countries.

Andd he is the one who introduced Information Technology (IT) to the courts' management process which i absolutely salute him for cause it is so convenient as compared to how it was done years ago and i actually love doing the E-filing thingy *grinz*

Well all i can say is that AG Chan has big shoes to fill and I wish him all the best.

oh and btw isnt it curious that singapore's former CJ, current CJ and upcoming CJ are all born in Malaysia?? Penang, KL and Ipoh respectively.
just a thought =)

2006-03-25T14:56:00.000+08:00

you know how i sometimes usually complain about my height?
Dont get me wrong here, standing at 1.75m tall which i know is not THAT tall as compared to 3 of my taller but younger siblings, and not that i dont love being tall, but it sometimes does tend to get frustrating when i bang my head against the public bus ceilings, or you know how sometimes the bus seats are positioned so close together that my leg hurts and after awhile my back hurts as well.. then there is also the problem of finding a guy that is of a comfortable height for me lolx. Somehow a local gal of my height is kinda intimidating hehz

but imagine my surprise when i read about a guy with the exact same problem. Lolx
now that is damn amusing.
Now wouldnt that guy have it easy as compared to me?
good looks. nice height (he's 1.9 btw). popular, cushy job.. tsktsk...
i for one aint intimidated by his height cause he is the exact height of my secondary 3 brother. lolx. Yes my bro is that tall. =P
anyways me and this person should go out some time but alas he does not know about my existance and i... well only have heard about him lolx

anyways my mum has been acting kind of wierd lately
aside from her scary good mood
there's this neverending hints of her wanting me to get married.
get married to who i wonder
she's been talking about wedding songs, matchmaking and you know those classified ads thingy when you are in search of a partner kind of thing?
yeah.
sheesh.

i think she just cant wait for me to move out of the house or something. hmmz......

well on a more painful note...
my back aint getting any better
i can sit no longer than 10 mins before it gets unbearable and i would need to lie down.
Truth be told i'm currently holding my breath as i type this cause i feel like knives are being pushed through my back and i'm bearing with the pain as long as i can. bleah..

argh how am i suppose to go out of the house tomorrow in this state i am in?!??!?!?
bleah
if this continues i think i better go to the hospital for an x-ray or something cause walking with my body leaning to one side should already tell me something is definitely wrong somewhere. sigh...

before i start crying out in pain i'll end my entry here
salute.

2006-03-24T22:39:00.000+08:00

my back is in excruciating pain... again...
sigh...
i'm trying my best to not touch any of my painkillers unless absolutely necessary
my mobility is at its minimum and i cant stand it!!!

i've been springcleaning my room and i'm not even finished due to this problem i have with my back! thanks to me my stuff is all over the living room. At the rate i'm going slowly organising my stuff, i wont be surprised if it'll take days for me to finish everything.. sigh..

the only reason i'm typing this entry out is because i'm tired of lying down on my back and my sitting position well lets just say my body angle aint what it is suppose to be. It hurts but all i can do is bear with the pain.

Because of this i also missed a committee meeting yesterday which was important in my opinion. sigh.. this back problem is starting to be a pain. Seriously, i can't keep going on with my back giving me problems now and then. argh its frustrating and the two major operations i had was suppose to help with my back problem but somehow it seems to be giving me even more problem. I need to address this to the doctor when i see him for my next appointment, which is next month. hmmz....

2006-03-22T08:43:00.000+08:00

Its 8.42am in the morning and while most of the island's population are either on a crowded bus/mrt on their way to work, stuck in some morning traffic jam, in school for their first period of the day, still in bed catching on more sleep or simply having some nice hot breakfast.... i on the other hand have yet to get any sleep since yesterday... sigh...

it doesnt help my current situation that i'm hungry, hot and bothered all at the same time AND my mind cant seem to stop churning.
If you're going to ask what in god's name can i be thinking so much about. well... to answer that question.. i dont have a clue.

Just when i thought since school is out and everything, i am free to do what i want to now, my sleepless nights are over... No more worrying about deadlines, exams, etc...
gawd i am so wrong...

sigh three years of law can do that to a person
i'm so used to not getting enough sleep that i'm only harming myself
believe me i know
remind me never to go into law pratice if i ever do get an opportunity to
i dont think my health can take it. lolx
maybe i should really move out or find somewhere else to sleep at night cause the funny thing is i can easily fall asleep anywhere else but at home.
Maybe its me unconciously making up for the loss time that i've been away from home. lolx.

speaking of which
i'm thinking of living abroad
well anytime before my time is up in this lifetime that is
perhaps in the uk or france or perhaps somewhere exotic and full of history and culture
cause i want to learn
i want to experience
try out new things
i want to discover things that i wont be able to do here

and perhaps test out my mum's theory that i can survive wherever i end up

well a cooler weather than Singapore's summer is a bonus as well

maybe i should just marry a foreigner
that will save alot of expenses
but then where's the challange in that?
i want to try these things independently
test and push myself

someday... =)

oh yea btw when you go overseas may it be malaysia or the UK for example, whenever you want to purchase something do you tend to convert the item you want to purchase to our local currency and decide if you want to purchase it or not?

for instance when i was in UK last year every item that i would consider buying i would take the price, i.e £20 and i would multiply it by 3 which means the item would be S$60. And i cant help doing that with whatever i want to buy even if it is £1. Same goes if i'm in Malaysia. I would always convert the riggit into singapore dollars and decide if its value for money.

My conclusion is that the currency one is brought up with determines one's concept of value.

Does it apply to you too?

Anyways on a totally different subject, I've been listening to alot of Lifehouse lately
and somehow the song 'Trying' stuck with me and i currently have it on loop in my ipod
i suppose it applys to some part of my life right now..

Could you let down your hair be transparent for awhile
Just a little while
to see if you're human after all

Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like
we've got it all figured out

Well let me be the first to say that I
don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
ain't gonna' pretend like I do

just trying - to find my way
trying - to find my way the best that I know how

Well I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say
but I'm working on it
Maybe I'll master this- art form someday

If I quote all the lines off the top of my head
Will you believe
that I fully understand all these things I've read

I'm just trying - to find my way
trying - to find my way
trying - to find my way the best that I know how

Well I- haven't got it all figured out quite yet but
even if it takes my whole life
to get to where I need to be

And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I'll be one step back to you, and

trying - to find my way
trying - to find my way
Oh I'm trying - to find my way
trying - to find my way

2006-03-20T04:11:00.000+08:00

independence
dont we all want it....
met up with aida, ifah and wan today
caught up with what each other is currently doing, had my usual earful of woes and views of relationships and the closing topic of the outing - independence.
Independence from parents. To stand on one's own feet and not be a victim of sibling favouritism and family pressures.

At some points in our life, dont we all just feel like moving out of the house, rent an apartment with friends and live together. To be free from nagging parents and how much fun it will be living with close friends...

TV makes it all look easy doesnt it? but in reality, living expenses here aint cheap plus with red tapes galore.... And some of us arent born in luxury with the option to do what we please.
unless of course we land ourselves a cushy job that gives us the luxury of a disposable income... of course after taking into account the various bills to pay, putting aside money for siblings still in school, helping out with some family household expenses, some spending money for mum...
but then again, all the things i just mentioned are just mere excuses arent they?
when there's a will there's a way right?

hmm...
i'm starting to warm up to the idea actually
finally getting my own room
with actual storage space to put in my things instead of boxes at the corner of a room or books lining my bedside..
ouh the thought of having my own space is soo thrilling!
no more cramp spaces
no more frustration of having to pick up after someone else's mess
no more headaches when trying to find a space to store my stuff
ouh and i could get myself a bigger sized bed!
more stretching space! begone body cramps! lolx

oh but how my mum will freak out if she ever hears me wanting to move out
hmm but then wouldnt the family be used to my absence since i've lived away from the family for 7 years?
but i bet she's gonna bring up about family responsiblities and how i still have 5 siblings still in school....

ouh plansplansplans has to be made if i really want to do this
well actually the thought has crossed my mind for the past.. hmm.. what.. 5 years? lolx
but for now i shall enjoy the simple independence i have
no curfew
my mum's trust
her letting me do what i want to do (tho with the constant reminder that god is always watching)
for now i'm content
altho naggings due to my other siblings sometimes can be an earful
and the lack of space i have in the house is somewhat irritating
it is still bearable

speaking of which
you know how some unattached people/single people like to say that they are independent beings and they do not need anyone by their side?
I dont think it is true.
I think its an act to show others how strong they are.
The fact of the matter is that it sometimes gets lonely.
One could be standing facing the most beautiful scenery in the world but then there is no one to share it with...
to feel immense joy or extreme sadness
with no one to share it with....
even if one has many friends, surrounded by peers, colleagues, etc
the feeling is still different...
to have a connection with that one person who you can share everything with
your dreams, feelings, joys, sorrows
with no pretense, no demands, no pressure
its funny how the feeling of loneliness is felt much deeper at night
when you walk along the streets at night
with enough people watching you can actually categorize some 'single' people into categories

i was wondering
you know the thing about soul mates, where it is said everyone has their own soul mate out there?
I was wondering, if it is true that the ratio of women is greater than man, wouldnt it be a bit hard for women to actually find their soul mate?
The question now is, is there really a thing called soul mates? and what exactly is a soul mate? Could it be possible that one's soul mate doesnt necessarily need to be The One?
What if one's soul mate is just a person you can basically connect with? have a deeper connection with more then others? more intune to each other's feelings? on the same frequency as each other?
the person could just simply be your friend or someone in your family, extended or otherwise couldnt it?

2006-03-18T10:05:00.000+08:00

I recently just got back from KL a few hours ago
jengjeng didnt know i was gone aye?
lolx
anyways totally missing a buncha people a whole lot
gotta meet up soon
bringing photos along for the trip doesnt help much when it comes to missing people =)

recent hoohaas on my blog made me realise the state of my blog
compare my previous posts to latest ones
how boring and perhaps 'bimbotic' in a way my blog has become
bleah
the thing is everytime i have something interesting to blog about
usually ideas will pop out whenever i'm away from the computer
and when i actually do get to a computer and face myself in front of the blank create post screen i feel sooo uninspired and any topic that i really want to talk about i'll think to myself and go.. "hmm maybe i'll blog about it some other time" and proceed to blog about some other mundane things that i bet alot of people dont want to read about lolx.

so why do i blog?
i think i've discussed about this before
and i shall not go on to re-explaining why i blog
but its high time i re-evaluate the reason i blog
cause i feel like i'm going nowhere with this space i have on the web
its even surprising to me that i do have people actually reading this and even taking the time to tell me that they hate me without knowing who i am in person

i have loads more to blog about and things to update on my recent one week trip but i'll leave that for later.

in reply to my tags..

Denise - hey gerl i just read your email and have thus replied. =)

Soffie - actually i do know how to pitch a tent but why take the fun out of watching the guys do it and boost their so called male ego abit? heehee =)

2006-03-08T19:23:00.000+08:00

oh wow my first hate tag after almost close to 3 years of blogging
must buy 4D already whahhahahha

seriously mr jtyrone whoever you are
what did i ever do to you that even made you comment that i have a 'filthy mouth'
oh wow
do you even know me?
heck do i even know you? lolx
seriously if you hate my posts that much i cant believe you actually bothered to tag *rolls eyes*

and no i'm not going to go into the 'this is my blog and i can say whatever i want blahblahblah'
lolx
free speech right?
i respect your words
so please respect mine
i cant please everyone can i?
if you have nothing good to say about anything then dont
its much appreciated

hmm i cant believe i'm even bothering to comment on this
but i cant help it
this it is damn amusing
seriously whatever
say what ever you want
i just wonder what kicks do you ever get tagging angry words on other people's blog

thank you for the tag tho
but i seriously think you're just wasting your time =)

that aside...

just got back from ubin
tiring but definitely fun
we camped at a certain secluded beach off the beaten track
it was definitely a nice spot away from civilisation and the nearest washroom... lolx...
before it got dark the guys pitched the tent while the girls "observed'
the girls prepared food while the guys looked for firewood
and mx started the campfire while everyone "observed"
but unfortuntately the campfire gave up on us after about half an hour's worth of burning after continous efforts from the guys
it was kinda funny seeing how everyone was later famished in the middle of the night and all we had were uncooked raw food, squashed bread and canned tuna.

will upload pics from the trip once i've received em' =)

2006-03-06T01:21:00.000+08:00

Patrick Dempsey a.k.a Dr Shepard from Grey's Anatomy
ooohhh he is damnbloody HAWT!!
*swoonz*
i cant help but post this pic of him
how can one look so dreamy with no effort at all?
*double sigh*
too bad he is married and like 18 yrs older than me...
time to find a body double lolx

anyways i was in a group convo and one topic that came up was about first dates
how everyone remembered theirs and how memorable or unmemorable it was.
me?
i felt out of place
why?
cause i've never been on one before
man how sad is that
lolx

oh well
*shrugs*
some people just have it easy
looks, the whole package
me? i have nothing except for emotional excess baggage
andd the height that scares guys off
andd with the well known first impression of a serious fierce person
yayness

i'm not helping myself much here huh?
lolx

oh well
i'm just not cut up for this kinda things

okie shall now get back to the convo
LoLx

2006-03-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

wow the week seemed to have flew by and now its the weekend
spent yesterday evening in Zouk for Simon Webbe's showcase with Tania
i had actually won a pair of tix from MTV
kinda like the first time for me to have won anything lolx
Simon is a good singer and performer, his LIVE voice has the same CD quality like his recording voice
i didnt take much photos though cause i didnt brought my cam
so i relied on my trusty V3 tho the quality aint that good

The showcase started off kind of wierd with one guy belly dancing and another doing yoga. Me and Tania just couldnt stop laughing cause we were sitting quite near to the stage LoLx
Simon went on next to the delight of some screaming gals infront. He sang a grand total of five songs? i think. lolx
still its awesome stuff.

After the showcase met up with candy, naz and marcus at the airport for one of our usual chilling sessions. Iz joined us soon after followed by Bert and MX.
We hanged out at Starbucks and accompanied Faizah who was working the graveyard shift.
All of us stayed overnight at the airport, discussed the upcoming ubin plans and touched on eye opening and interesting topics.

We started moving off at 6.30am and i happily had to be at NTU by 9am! lolx
no worries tho. Got home, ate 'breakfast' while checking the bus directory on how to get to where i was suppose to go, took a shower and went back out. And yes i did reach NTU on time. lolx

yes call me crazy for not sleeping the day before a test but we should live dangerously once in a while. LoLx!

The thing about not sleeping the whole night, you tend to sleep in between your journey from Pt A to Pt B and so on and so forth. It seriously it strains the neck but whattodo right?

well spent the rest of my afternoon today on my own in town
caught a movie and went book browsing/shopping at Borders hehe...

the Careerfair at Suntec ends tomorrow.. sigh and i have this feeling i may not be going at all in the end.. unless someone wants to go too and we can go together hehe.. i dont like to be in large exhibitions on my own. =P

sigh i actually have friends who has actually gone for job interviews and for some actually getting the job. Me? I'm still in limbo. Lolx
I have yet to figure out what i'm gonna do next cause i wont be able to committ to anything until i have received results of my uni applications.

Even when the time comes for me to actually start finding a job, i want a job that i have fun and love doing and not mind how much effort, committment and time i have to put into it. Cause if you love what you're doing nothing else matters.
I know i'll find that job i'm looking for when the time comes but for now i shall not worry too much about it and enjoy the time off i have cause i have the rest of my whole life to worry about it. Lolx

okie doks
i have yet to get any proper shut eye since yesterday so i'll be off now
salute!

2006-03-04T21:06:00.000+08:00

I discovered this video when i was browsing thru the site. I didnt know there was a video clip for this song hehe...

One of my favourite songs of all time from my fave singer Josh Groban
Its one of those love songs that you can close your eyes and be swept away by the music.
Hope you guys enjoy it!

2006-03-02T03:03:00.000+08:00

its 3am and i'm still awake
sleep is overratedd
lolx i'm just kidding
its just that i cant seem to get myself to go to sleep even though i feel soooooooo damn tired
but my mind is like a machine that would not stop
arghargharghhhhhh

i admit i have sleeping problems
told my doc this and she freaking ignored me
hmmz....
are sleeping pill available on general pharmacy shelves????
i need SLEEP
argh i cant stand my eyebags and the dark rings around my eyes!!!
urgh
funny how its easy for me to fall asleep when i'm not at home
and when i'm in another country

i miss london
sigh
double sigh

somebody PLEASEEEEEEE take me away to some far away land where all i do is sleep, do some sightseeing, take photographs and enjoy myself and not worry about any other things but the moment.....

2006-03-02T01:17:00.000+08:00

i've never been good in the flirting/first impression 'game'
and this past week has been a very eye opening experience
LoLx

okie let me explain my theory
the usual first impression people have of me is that i look damn fierce
add that to my height
i'm not surprised as to why i've never been approached before
well and maybe because i'm not what you call 'drop dead gorgeous' or 'preety looking'
i'm just plain lil' ol' me khehhehehe
so yea thats one thing...

then comes another thing when i'm actually attracted to a stranger
and sure there's that 'acknowledging glance' i have no idea what to call it
when both persons notice each others' presence that kind of thing blahblahblah... lolx
and usually i'll give a weak smile turn around and walk away or in some cases ignore the person's presence... when clearly i had a chance of maybe flirting a little or give my nice darlie smile... lolxx

yes ladies and gentleman
i am stupid/a coward/an idiot

funnily enough i'm not afraid of approaching a stranger on behalf of a friend
gee whizz

at this rate i'm going
i reckon i'll never get attached
or meet new potentials you know
sigh
some people just have it easy

anywayssssssss

exams are all over
which means...
schools outt
no more lectures/tutorials/projects/etcetcetcccccc
sighsigh

having nothing to do is somehow boring and tiring
lolx
doing nothing drains out energy
so i'm gonna make my next few days filled with activities before i sit down and plan what i'm going to do for the rest of my life
heeheee =)

i need some excitement in my life right about now
maybe some secret love affair
some high flying adventure
anything!!
seriously how desparate can i get?
cause i am
lolx

*goes off in search of excitement................

2006-02-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

i know today was the first paper of my final exams
but
i had FUN today
after the paper that is lolx
wheeeeeeee...

totally enjoyed myself
great company, good food, interesting & funn games!
we should do this again once in awhile after graduation aite guys? khehehe

ooh and before i forget...

Happy Birthday tooooooooo
Melvyn Alexander Lee Yi Qun!!!!!
*grinz*

aha so you've finally reached the stage of your life where your age starts with a 2-!
old already! muahahaha
lolx anyways all the best in your future endeavours andd
may the year ahead bring you unforgettable, wonderful and precious memories!
god bless!
*muakz*
heehee

aite
one down two more papers to go!
oh god i'm gonna miss everyone so so much
received a msg this afternoon that almost made me cry
glad to know the video me and deedee made meant alot to quite a number of ppl
oh god i cant believe my poly life is ending
it so doesnt feel like its been 3 freaking years!
i still remember my first lecture, my first tutorial and the first person i talked too and now remain fast friends with!!
arghhhh..... *sob*

i have no intention in being emo right now
but cannot help it lah
haiz...

okie lah before i cry and start to reminisce of the all the good and bad memories
i shall go and watch tv
Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy!!!
Did i ever mention that Dr Shepard is hott!! *dreamysigh...............

2006-02-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

Hello darlingz

so today marks the fourth day of study week
anddd
surprise surprise
i have NOT started studying
Lolx
truth be told i'm waiting for my adrenaline to kick in
which is soon
i hope

anyways...

photos that i promised...

is here ---> click me!

*winkz*

oh and yes
remember the photo collage video thingy me and nad made specially for prom
well since it really means alot to me
i've actually uploaded in and letting you guys watch it from my blog!
wheeeeeeeeee!
but do allow some time for the video to properly load
cause its nicer to view the whole thing without interruptions...
oh and do let me know what you think of it aite?
enjoy!

2006-02-14T00:40:00.000+08:00

I am what I think
my life is shaped and formed
by what I tell myself
Who I am in the world
is who I think I am
What I have in the world
is what I think I can have
The contents of my mind
are what I choose
I discard, cut out, drop
that which doesn't contribute
What others believe about me
is their story
It tells more about what they think
than who I am
In my journey
I make sure that what I carry
is of my own careful choosing
and serves me well

tralalalala

Happy Valentine's Day peeps!
Looks like i'm spending V-day doing my mediation project all day
wheeeeeeeeeeee

still waiting for photos from other peeps to come in
so bear with me
i'll upload it asap

You know i've been thinking
i've never claimed to be perfect
nor i'll ever be
and i've said this before
the thing is i'm only human
i get that
but somehow i cant seem to be able to accept the fact that i can feel a certain way towards something when i feel i shouldnt and when the fact is that i have the right to feel as any normal person should and stop living up to expectations and how the world sees me.
What others believe about me is their story. It tells more about what they think than who I am. I should drill that into my head and for once feel without feeling guilty like a normal person.
I am allowed to my own reactions right?
haiz.

I'm was wondering and reflecting
does a good friend tell you the truth no matter how hurtful it may sound and how betrayed you feel by it?
or does a good friend speak half truths just to make you feel better and say another thing behind your back?

for me i rather hear the truth and initially get hurt
rather than finding out much later when it gets much worse and make a huge ass out of myself with something that has been there for quite sometime and i did not see it.
cause sometimes you can't see that what you are doing wrong until someone points it out and you look at their perspective.
tho no matter how hurt or betrayed you feel
the friend is actually doing you a favour
to let you realise your faults and learn from it
but its up to you how you receive it
and taking ownership

a person who i will have the upmost respect for
is a person who takes ownership
what is that?
its preety obvious
so i'll let you do your own little research
i think i've blogged about it once
but kinda forgot when exactly
oh well
khehehe

2006-02-13T14:46:00.000+08:00

so it all didnt work out as expected
everything now is askew
i dont get really mad at something easily unless its for a valid reason
and i'm not sorry for what i've said cause i'm just being honest
and if i said differently and told a lie i would not be a friend

one thing you have to notice about the cohort is that we stick together
most of us that is
through the good times and bad
so even if i was excluded from whatever profanities that was being said
the target law 'audience' are still my friends
and i am one of them

Sure its not totally one person's fault
it takes alot of things to have gone wrong
but somehow the bulk of it was seen at one thing
cause the rest that initially went wrong wasnt so much in the limelight cause it came through.

so when a group of people feel the same way does that mean the whole group is wrong?
there has to be legitimate reason right?

i'm not trying to make matters worse
this is just my perspective
i respect both parties as they are
but the unpleasantries have to stop

if one is making a defence that the other does not understand their point of view
did that party see the other party's point of view as well?
it is easy to defend a friend
but can one be objective?

to try and defend making use of interpretation with law students is one thing.
to describe law students as a whole in an appropriate context is already bad enough
to try and come up with some defensive talk about what this event is when it is not yours to begin with is even worse.

seriously stop it
no end will come to it if this continues.

what's done is done
let it go.
does it really matter now that it is all over?
what good will come to more angered words?

let it rest.

2006-02-12T22:24:00.000+08:00

i cant help but post this
i almost rolled my eyes when i read that certain statement
come to think of it i think i did roll my eyes
somehow i wish i could just lash out at that somebody

its easy for the person to comment
but HELLO do you even know why it happened the way it did???????

*($&*(#Y(#*($*(@##$%^&*()_+;$*(@$&*(

fark i'm pissed
i've been pissed for the past week
responsible my ass
everything was damn fucking last minute
with the attitude that was given to me just for being concerned
geez
you had no right to make the statement you made

this is why sometimes i just dont like to trust people
cause they end up just dissapointing you.

oh and yes to this other person
you had no right to comment what you did when you did not even know the whole story behind it.
and how there was absence of respect
how did you expect people to respect you
when you disrepected them first???

seriously i had enough of the BS

*rolls eyes*

you may say its childish and what nonsense you might have in that head of yours
but you mess with one you mess with all
and it doesnt matter who you are

*i am not mentioning names nor do i ever intend to. so if you feel the pinch hmm them maybe i'm talking abt you. hah.

Life Reflections

COOKIE MONSTERSEARCHES DEEP WITHINHIMSELF AND ASKS: IS MEREALLY MONSTER?

BY ANDY F. BRYAN

COOKIE MONSTER
SEARCHES DEEP WITHIN
HIMSELF AND ASKS: IS ME
REALLY MONSTER?